Renewed Faith

Last Easter, was my first day at Lake Wawasee.  I was fortunate to be able to take some time with myself to process the events of Haylee's passing.  I did not attend an Easter service then.  In fact, my attendance at St. Catherine has been terrible.  I spend Sunday's at home and choose to watch Mass on TV and mail in my tithe. Today I returned to church, and I was reminded of all the people in my neighborhood that pray together each Sunday.  I saw faces that I hadn't seen since the funeral home.  I saw faces of the people who pray for me.  Tears ran down my face and Mass hadn't even begun yet.

During the homily, I was reminded that death ends all suffering.  I remembered how knowing this, this end of suffering, allowed me to find the strength I needed to let go of Haylee.  Sometimes I forget this fact and I'm sucked into my own sufferings.  I feel sorry for myself when I have responsibilities to fill, like things pertaining to Haylee'e estate.  I'm angry that I have to take care of unfinished business.  I'm disappointed that relationships have been strained do to all the details surrounding her death, but especially due to miscommunications. 

Today is Easter and my family will soon be here for brunch.  I'm anxious and glad and sad and scared.  I'm a mess inside.  But as I sat in church this morning, as I cried a little, as I sang, and listened and prayed, I began to feel better.  I felt supported.  I felt loved.  I left with the knowledge that I'm not alone in my struggles of life.  I left with knowing that I will make it through these trials of life.  I left praying that others will find the strength to make it through theirs.  My faith is renewed.