Just 40 Days

I love laying in bed in the morning, listening to the sound of silence.  The sound of snow.  The weathermen have been predicting a storm all week and the silence signifies that they were right. The first (significant) snow of the season is always the most special.  It makes the bare trees beautiful and the earth seems a little more at peace.  It's even better when the snow is before Christmas.  The lights looks brighter and everyone always wants a white Christmas.

Today is my birthday.   I'm 56 years old.  My body feels like it's 100.  It's been a long year. Scratch that. Today is my birthday.  My dog Aiden woke me up an hour ago. He actually let me sleep in a while.  Thanks for that Aiden!  Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking, getting my first dog at the age of  50. I followed him down the stairs to the light of my Christmas tree.  I smiled. As I walked through the living room, I noticed the stockings and other decorations that I created over the years.  I grinned as I held Derrick's snowman stocking. It came from a kit.  I had to glue it together.  Onto Haylee's stocking, which was made of felt, stitches and stuffing.  It took me three years to complete the little bear that Holly Hobbie is holding. Justine's Raggedy Ann and Andy was cross-stitched and Paul's was stenciled elves on a stocking I made from scrap fabric I had.  His was the first (and only) not made from a kit!  I made mine out of appliques an

It's funny how life gives you what you need.  Or perhaps, God gives us what we need. As I continue my thoughts on compassion, both giving and receiving it, I was was reminded about self love. The parish where I work is having a parish mission called:  The Journey Towards Boundless Compassion:  Walk With Me.  I chance to attend a mini session of the mission with a group of kindergartners. The first speaker reminded us that God loves us, he created us all uniquely out of love. We are a necessary part of how God wants the world to be.  I was reminded that compassion allows us to love each other no matter what and that it begins with the love of Jesus and flows from the love of self. As a single mom, raising four completely different individuals, I was always trying to understand them.  I could tell that some of them had more 'spirIT' than the others.   It was like they were born it 'IT'.  I wish that all people new that they have the spirit of God within them.

Last week, I wrote about compassion.  I stumbled across this saying "It is lack of love for ourselves that inhibits our compassion toward others.." and I just had to revisit it. All of my life, I have been called selfish by some people, because I have self love.  I struggle with this as I believe that I was 'born' with happiness.  In fact, the Christmas stocking my mom made me said 'Happy Mary'.  The bible tells us to Love your neighbor as yourself.  So the first step to this is self love. Believe me, I don't always like myself, but that doesn't mean I don't love me.  I get mad at myself when I do things I shouldn't and then I try to do better.  For the most part, I do my best to communicate my wants and needs to others. Sometimes, other people help me to get those things.  I also try to help others achieve/acquire their wants and needs.  The key to this is communication. The purpose of human life is to serve, show compassion, and to

Sometimes, I feel like there is a lack of compassion in our world today.  I feel this way when I see or hear other people judging others.   I'm continually telling my students that the only person they can control is the person wearing the shoes on their feet.  I do this when young, primary grade, students tattletale on their classmates.  They are consumed with what other students are doing instead of with what they are doing. I feel this way when family members judge others for their decisions.  I want to remind them, that the only person they are responsible for is the person wearing their shoes.  I know that my gut reminds me of this every time I fall into the trap of judging my family as they react to things around them.  I have to constantly work on not reacting to others; to feel compassion for what they are doing or feeling.  I try to find some understanding of others.  I ask myself:  What would I do if I was walking in their shoes? These lessons are ongoing.  I do no

Wow, I'm missing my mom today.  She always seemed to know what to say.  If she were here, I would ask her about losing Barb.  How long did it take to feel like herself again OR did she just get used to the new version of herself.  The one with the giant hole in her heart. I'm also missing my sister Barb today.  Besides being my sister, she was my friend.  We went to high school shared a bed growing up and went to high school together.  We had so much fun in high school.  We were very spirited.  She was the first in our family to divorce, so she helped me when I went through mine.  We both watched kids in our homes so we did alot of things together.  She was almost as wise as our mom. I'm always missing my Haylee.  She loved her Grandma Herman and Aunt Barb was her God-mother. Haylee was fun.  She was the jokester of our family.  She always found a way to cheer other people up.  I hope the three of them (Mom, Barb, & Haylee) are having fun in heaven. I love them

My stairwell is full of family photos.  As I crawl slowly up and down the stairs I am reminded of my life.  I see photos of my parents, Norma & Chuck and my God-parents, Aunt Catherine & Uncle Steve.  There is a photo of my mom with her grand-children.  I remember how hard it was to get everyone there for at the same time, all for a Mother's Day gift.  Most of the photos are of my kids.  They range from infants to high school graduation photos.  Many family photos are from the church directory. As I look at these photos, I think to myself, how did I ever survive being a single mother of four kids under six years old?  I know I didn't do it alone.  I survived because I surrounded myself with family.  I know that I didn't always do what was popular.  Heck, I still don't do what is 'popular'.   But I know that I always did the best I could. I have learned alot from the mistakes I have made.  I'm not the same person as I was 25 years ago.  I woul

It's 10 days post surgery and I am so tired of doing nothing.

The only way for me to get from one floor to another is to crawl.  My house has a basement, main floor, and upstairs.  Bathrooms are located in basement or upstairs.  The stairs from the main floor to upstairs and are hardwood, with just a runner down the middle...zero padding.  The stairs from the main floor to the basement are fully carpeted with padding. Six months ago I had calluses on my hands and my knees.  This time, I'm determined not to have that happen.   So I've decided to alternate arms and legs, or hands and knees on each of the stairs.  This was hard at first.  It takes alot of core to crawl like that.  (Previously, I crawled one legged, putting all of my weight on my good leg, using my foot to push my body up to the next step.) I must say crawling on all fours is faster and I'm using more muscles.  I don't remember to do it all the time but I plan I doing it exclusively.  (I have seven more weeks of stair crawling to do!)

Eight days ago, I had foot surgery ... again.  I tried to prepare myself with thoughts like:  You're already in pain so the pain won't be that bad. or You already know what to expect...crawling up the stairs. or Remember, pain free is the goal. So here I am eight days later, and yes, the pain is not so bad.  In fact, I'm down from six to two pain pills a day.  Ice and elevation are my friends.  I've spent an entire week on the 2nd floor of my house, coming down only once on the day of my follow up appointment.  I will start spending more time downstairs to build strength for returning to work in 10 days.

Today is the last day of September and I'm home, recovering from foot surgery and realized that I have not written since the last day of July! It makes me wonder why I (and most people) tend to hide when things are not going well.  Is it because we think that no one really wants to know how busy, poor, or how your health really is?  Or is it because we are afraid they will judge us?  What is it? All my life I've believed that God put so many people in the world to help each other.  How can I forget that and go into hiding from people?  Right now I'm hearing Barbara Streisand singing...People, people who need people...are the luckiest people in the world. I hope that you hear more from me and that I continue this form of therapy: expressing my thoughts and feelings through writing and sharing them via the internet.

50th Birthday Present Five years ago, I bought myself a birthday present:  a Pilates reformer.  I was introduced to Pilates in 2007 when I won a local contest: Weigh In to Win, sponsored by the YMCA , Mercy Weight Management , and  WTOL .  There was also a grocery store involved but I can't remember it's name and it has since closed. I won a personal trainer whom I call Sgt. Becky  who was a certified Pilates trainer.  I did pilates two or three times a week during the contest for nearly a year.  It changed my body.  I lost nearly 90 pounds and went from a size 2X to an 8. When the contest was over, I couldn't afford to do it as often, but did it as much as I could.  After buying my own reformer, I used it once or twice a week at first and then it became my Sunday morning ritual for the next couple of years.  I grew to a size 12.  Then I used it less, and less --- weekly turned into monthly which turned into semi monthly and in the past year - semi annually.  My body

Haylee Dear Haylee, Sometimes, when I'm missing you, I wear your sunglasses.  I want to see what you've seen.  I want to be where you've been.  I want to be close to you. I have several pair of your glasses.  Some you gave to me when you got new ones and others I got after you left.  Some are really scratched up and I don't know how you saw out of them, but I wear them anyway. I miss you.  I feel close to you when I wear your sunglasses. I'm so glad that I have them. Love Mom

Today was a long day. What does that mean?  All days have twenty-four hours... Perspective:  My friend Pat, woke up today to bury her husband of three years.  He was 68 when he died.  She told me yesterday "I just found him!  We didn't have enough time."  His birthday is in two days. Perspective:  My granddaughter Carly is waiting for her other grandmother to pick her up so that she can visit with her for two weeks.  (Carly has not seen her in over a year.) Perspective:  I take most Fridays and Mondays off in the summer: creating long weekend/short vacations for myself.  Thursdays are my Fridays...I love Thursdays! Today is Thursday...it was one of those long weekends/short vacations.  It started off with me packing, saying good bye to Carly who will be visiting the other grandmother for two weeks.  I went to work and then left for the funeral of  Terry Bowbly  husband to my friend Pat.  I processed to Resurrection Cemetery, where my daughter Haylee remains a

I really didn't want to do it...but I did.   I downloaded   PokemonGo My oldest son, Derrick, who will be 34 next week, was mentioning it about 10 days ago, saying to get ready?  Then my youngest son, Paul (28) and my niece (29) and her boyfriend came up to lake last weekend and that's all they were doing: Catching Pokemon! They were hoping to catch some on  Lake Wawasee  but were afraid to take their phones on the boat. I remember drawing the Pokemon characters in Kidpix in 1996!  My students could guess who I was drawing after I drew the first line!  It was all the rage!  and it appears, its all the rage now, twenty years later, in 2016. So here I am, at a  google conference  with a bunch of techies and we are talking about Pokemon Go!  I'm at the hotel, not really hungry for dinner as lunch was HUGE!  Thunderstorms are approaching so I decide to see if there are any Pokemon in the area. Guess what?  There were three!  I was excited and headed outside towar

I like to drive.  I also like to go a different route on the way home than I took on the way there.  Life is too short to take the same way twice. I've always been a map person.  I like the physical paper nearby to check - just in case.  I was never a AAA member, so their popular 'Trip Tix'  was not an option for me.  But in the late 1990's, I discovered Map Quest and my life became a little simpler.  I did a little research, entering the beginning of my route and my destination, pressed print and viola!  I had written turn by turn directions that included a map.   I didn't need to buy one of those GPS devices and attach it to the dashboard of my car. Ten years later, when I took a road trip to Florida with my son Paul, he insisted on using technology from his phone for directions.  Thank God, I still threw the printed directions into the car as he lost his 'signal' several times in the mountains and we were driving blind.  Paul did have some cool app

Skylar & Hayden So I've been at the lake for about 36 hours and the more time that passes the better I feel.  I don't know if it's baby Hayden, or 2 year old Skylar, or sharing with Justine.  I feel useful and I hurt less each day.  The wound from my incision is a bit angry with me.  I went to school Thursday without socks ... in the boot...the sweat and irritation caused most of the scab to come off.  It is angry and painful.  Even with that, I feel calm. I think it's the lake.  The water calms me.  I look out when I feel overwhelmed and it's ... just there... moving...flowing...free.  I love the water.  I have always been drawn to it...and I'm not a swimmer!  But I don't drown. Perhaps that's life...It's free, flowing, calm, and exciting... living.  When I was younger, I thought of life as a roller coaster...I love rollercoasters!

Today's R word of the day is refreshing: making me feel more rested, energetic, or cool.  I'm heading to the lake today.  I haven't been to the lake since Skylar's 2nd birthday in February!  I plan on turning the music up loud and singing all the way.  Hoping the sky is blue and the roads are clear! It's going to be a great day!

My favorite dictionary, Merriam Webster, states that the simple definition of resilience is the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens.  Or the ability of something to return to its original shape after it has been pulled, stretched, pressed, or bent. I wonder how long it will take for my foot to bounce back!

As I was driving to work today, I remembered that I haven't been writing daily as I like.  This blog reminds me to take care of myself and allows me space to 'vent' or process things in my daily life.  When I am not taking the time to do this, I'm stuffing my feelings and frustrations...and do I have alot of that going on right now. I wrote about my foot surgery on March 9 and shared a few other things afterwards. In fact, it's been nearly a month since my last post. I never shared how frustrated I was during the non'weight bearing phase of my recovery. I would like to say I am rested, or more resilient, but that wouldn't be very truthful.  Today is exactly eight weeks since my surgery.  Two days ago, I was given the okay to walk, with the boot.  The doctor said I'm doing well but I can tell you, it hurts like hell.  I'm now experiencing a different kind of pain.  The pain you feel when you start using muscles and bones you haven't used for

If only I could just snap my fingers and get out of this poor me mood. I've been in it for several weeks and it's beginning to  seem like months. I have been in this position before:  'Woe is me!'   This type of depression is not always willing to leave a person.  Or perhaps, some people are not always willing to let it go. I know that looking at the bright side, seeing the good, and expressing gratitude are tools that work for me.  I just have to make up my mind to choose MORE of those things than I am doing now, leaving little room for the poor me's. Awareness is the first step.  Now to take action!

This past week certainly has been a challenge for me.  As I try to recover for foot surgery, laying around doing pretty much nothing except propping my foot up, I have nothing but time to think about Haylee.  I can't believe that it has been two years since you went to heaven.  I long to hear your voice.  I am sad that I do not have any saved voicemails.

Last night I dreamed I was on a bus filled with all kinds of people from my past.  Most of the people were friends of my children.  The dream seemed to have something to do with school, testing, the lake, and someone chasing us. The bus was traveling very fast down a street that looked like we were in San Francisco and when it reached the bottom,  the street met the water, the bus failed to turn and landed in the ocean. The waves were huge.  The bus was slowing filling with water and we were sinking.  I was sitting behind the driver and made a mad dash to escape by pushing the door open when the driver calmly said, I wouldn't do that if I were you.  You will only make things worse.  I looked at him confused and said but we are all going to drown.  Don't you want us to live? Of course he said yes, but that we had to wait for the bus to be completely submerged and then the doors would open easily and all will be safe.  He was so sure of himself, that I believed him.  I re

I admit it - I'm not as strong, nor healthy as I once thought.  After doing nothing for four weeks, I feel myself getting out of shape.  I need to do some cardio! Today it took me nearly 15 minutes to get myself up and go downstairs to make breakfast.  Each day, it seems to take me just a little longer.  I'm so used to getting faster at doing the things I do daily not the other way around.  UGH!!! ... think positive, think positive...I will be pain free, I will be pain free, I will workout again.

Hayden Michelle Today I was blessed with another grandchild.  My daughter Justine gave birth to a second daughter.  My sister and I drove over an hour to meet 'Gracie' (the name they called the fetus) at the hospital.  We arrived 20 minutes after the birth and were able to go right in. There we learned the baby's name:  Hayden Michelle.  Steve and Justine chose to name their child after Justine's sister Haylee.  They did not share the name they had picked out with me until today.  I knew they had talked about it, but didn't know what they had decided.

I tried to be optimistic when I went to the doctors to remove my sutures and evaluate my healing process.  The wound looked good, and I able to use a removable boot so that I can shower.  I wanted to hear the words weight bearing...but did not.  Fortunately, Derrick had brought me to reality a few days back by stating "Mom, you're not going to walk this soon."  Although I did not want to believe him, a seed was planted. I further investigated how long it takes for a tendon to heal ... 8 weeks and up to 12 months for full function!  I'm still trying to be optimistic...a difficult task as I'm in more pain today than I've been in 10 days.  My ankle has swollen some since they removed the sutures.  I try to remind myself that it took a long time (55 years) to injure my tendon, what's a couple of months to repair it? Again I am learning empathy for those in pain.  I have a different understanding of independence.  I am grateful for my nine year old grandd

As I ponder the day, March 17th, I'm reminded of the 'cousins' party my mom would throw.  I think she had three or four of them during the '80s.  She invited her sister Kate and her ten children to join her eight children for a night of family fun, food, and fellowship.  I remember playing a game of "Family Feud" where my mom read questions about our family and contestants needed to 'buzz' in by using a 'kazoo'.   Have you ever tried to play a kazoo while laughing?  It's not easy!  My mom was genius!

This morning, my friend Gwen, the librarian, said she bought me a gift: A bell for my scooter!  She is so thoughtful. I immediately found a way to install it.   I can't remember having so much fun!  The sound of it made heads turn, brought back memories to others and causes the talking during my classes to pause! Thank you Gwen!

Today was my first day back to work.  I must say it was hard to wake up at 5:30.  It was hard to go down the stairs on my butt. (I don't plan on doing that any more.)  It was hard to go through the day without good pain relief. But I survived and so did my students.  They loved my scooter and frankly so do I. I could not be at work without it! Alot of things happened during the four days of work I missed.  Problems were resolved in ways that perhaps I didn't agree with, but must learn to let them go. My goal was to make it until 2:00.  I made it until 1:30.  So 7-1:30 is not a bad first day.  Plus I lined up a parking Valet so I don't have to use the stairs!  The maintenance crew at work are the best!

Ouch! So this is my foot!  No wonder it hurts!  And gee, my foot really is flat!  The doctor said this looks great! Today was my first post-op visit.  Main event: change the dressing.  As the doctor was doing just that I shared some of my recovery stories with him.  He laughed and felt bad for Derrick. He suggested that had I put out the 'Help me' sign that I would've made national news!  I'm released for work as long as I'm on the scooter and remain non-weight bearing until the next visit in 2 weeks.  The worst news I received was - 2 more weeks until I get to take a REAL shower.

What is there to do when you are supposed to be lying around and resting?  Read a book, write a blog, binge watch House of Cards  on Netflix.  I must say - it did not disappoint!  (I won't spoil it for any of you.) I also watched a couple of movies, tried to catch on grading, and kept up with all of my emails.  I'm getting tired of lying around and am glad that Justine and Skylar came in for the weekend!

Who would have thought a little thing like a scooter would improve my spirits so much?   I am so excited to be able to ditch the crutches while on the first floor.  This will save my hands from work they are not used to doing. (My hands are throbbing.) This little red scooter allows me to be more independent.  I can get my own water or food or medication.  Thank you to whoever thought of this!

I didn't realize that recovery from surgery is related to how good of shape or health your body is in prior to your surgery.  I thought that I was in pretty good health.  What I've learned is that I was fooling myself.  I'm not as strong as I think. You see, I am using crutches.  That means my hands and arms are helping to move my body weight.  When I see the callouses on the meat of my hands and they hurt!  Also, my right leg is now doing the work of two and it is letting me know that it doesn't like the extra work. As I scoot myself up and down the 14 stairs in my house that lead me to the bathroom, my triceps are aching! So, I've decided that I need the knee scooter now - for home, not just for work as I thought.  I've also learned to take it slower and that ice is my friend.  So, I'll lie here on the couch, prop my foot up and rest.  (BTW - that would be following my doctor's order!)

I admit it, I'm a bad patient.  I had a meltdown today which has given me more empathy for caretakers than I had before. It's been a little over 24 hours since I returned home after my foot surgery. My original plan was to remain upstairs and rest. But yesterday around 5 p.m., I got bored of the upstairs and decided to go downstairs. No one was home and I was on the phone with my daughter.  I had no problems sitting on my butt and going down the stairs.  I didn't have to take the crutches with me as there was a second pair waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs.   It was a good move; I was happy.  I made it back upstairs with little or no problems although I didn't sleep very well. Fast forward to this morning:  My son Derrick is my caretaker.  He works mornings 5-10 and said he'd be home around 10:30.  He'd brought up a pain pill, a banana and a tangerine to sustain me until his return. Then it happened...I started getting anxious, I was hungry, I n

Well, I had surgery this morning and got home a couple of hours ago.  My doctor said all went well.  It took longer than he thought because he really had to dig out that extra bone...apparently it had made itself quite comfy in my foot for the last 55 years.  He said the tendon was flatten and he had to roll it and anchor it to my foot. I thought I would sleep most of the day, but that is not the case.  I learned that I ice my knee, and not my foot.  Apparently that will cool the blood as it goes down to my foot.  Today is the first of 21 days of a non-weight bearing left foot.  Crutches are my friend...I will remain upstairs for the day.

I am nervous. Tomorrow morning I will have surgery on my left foot to remove an extra bone that I've had since birth and repair the damage it has done to my posterior tibia tendon. I'm not really sure why I'm nervous as I've had many surgeries throughout my life.  Perhaps I'm anxious to finally be pain free.  I've been complaining about foot pain my entire life.  My parents thought I was just hard on shoes and purchased "nurse's" shoes (orthopedic) for me while I was in elementary school.  This cost them more, but they lasted longer.  As I grew up, I knew that I had to purchase 'supportive' shoes.  My coaches would tell be to suck up the pain if I complained that my feet hurt. Through adulthood, I purchased new athletic shoes every 2-3 months. Given that I am NOT a distance runner, putting lots of miles on my shoes, this is extreme.  But I didn't know that.  I was raised to believe that I am hard on shoes...whatever that means.  O

I've put about 30,000 miles on my Jeep since I aquired it about two years ago.

Yesterday, the weathermen were going crazy about a winter storm.  (We've had a very mild winter here in Toledo so anything gets them excited.) Anyhow, around noon, my daughter calls me from Indiana, telling me they sent everyone home from her workplace because of the storm.  I tell her it's raining here but I also thinking "perhaps this is a serious storm". As evening arrives, I'm still waiting for the rain to turn to snow, and it finally does around nine.  I think to myself, it's going to be a quiet night of sleep, with the padding of snow silencing the neighborhood.  In reality it wasn't that quiet, so that at 5:30 a.m. when my alarm clock went off I had to mosey on down to see what was up.  The news had zero local closings or delays...and then...within 15 minutes they all fell down.  I mean really, no delays, just closed!  Happy happy joy joy - although I still have to work - I get to sleep for 2 more hours.  (I go in at 7 when there is school and

I'm not a good swimmer, but I haven't drowned. I remember the first time I dove into the pool for exercise.  I was at the Francis Family YMCA and I had decided that I needed to add swimming to my weekly exercise.  I told myself that I had to stay in the pool for 20 minutes or 10 laps (there and backs).  At first, it was the 20 minutes, but soon I was out of there in less than 20. I changed my plan and committed to 30 minutes of time versus counting laps.  I remember doing four different strokes (breast, right side, left side, and back).  I was a faithful 'swimmer'.  Not that fast but I didn't drown.  I swam for three years until I stopped five years ago. I stopped because in 2010, the year I turned 50, my house caught fire and I lived with my brother for six months while the damage was repaired.  The stress of it caused be to develop shingles.  I didn't think shingles were a good thing to put in the pool water so I stopped.  After two months, I was out o

Sometimes I turn the music up as loud as I can stand.  Sometimes I want to drive as fast as my car will go...it's only 4 cylinders...and so it goes slow.  Sometimes I want to drink all the wine I can find...but after three glasses, I forget, whatever I was doing. I think that my ability to find humor in my situation is a good thing. I think, that when I think of my situation...it is sad. Sometimes, I am so sad, that I cannot find the humor and I just need to escape. Escape = Drinking all the wine and turning up the music and driving as fast as I can. Now of course, I only do this on paper.  I only dream of this as a way of escape.  I keep forgetting that I will never see my beautiful 30 year old daughter again...she would be 32 now. I only dream that I would be in a loving relationship by now...I've been divorced for over 25 years. Sometimes, I think that I would be paid for all the work that I do...I work in Catholic Education Again I am reminded that life is

A website that lists real estate named Toledo in the top ten Sin Cities.  In fact, it was number five!  They criteria was based on the Seven Deadly Sins:  lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride.  They compared the number of residents to the number of venues that related to each sin:  Restaurants, adult entertainment, casinos, salons and plastic surgeons, crime statistics and a survey of residents about exercise. As I sit here thinking about this - I'm wondering - can I blame this little tidbit for my decline in health? Obviously the answer is no.  I am the sole caretaker of me.

Another Lenten Season begins tomorrow and as I ponder over what my focus will be, my health keeps coming to the forefront.  I've just read a report that says my cholesterol is high.  I've known my weight and BMI are more than they've been in five years.  And sometimes, my blood pressure is elevated.  Pictures are popping up on facebook, reminding me of what I did 2, 3...5 years ago.  I see a healthier person in them. I can be that fitter person again.  I'm beginning today ---- not tomorrow --- so no Fat Tuesday excuses for me.  I can do this!  I can take care of me!

As I was driving to the YMCA last night, my friend Clarence decided to check in with me.  He didn't stay too long.  Just long enough to bring tears.  It's hard to drive when I have tears in my eyes. I never know when my grief will overcome me.  When it does, I try to think of happy times with Haylee.  Something that will make me smile:  like when she was in 8th grade, she was able to get the principal of her school to partake in an April fool's prank by writing me an 'official' letter that stated Haylee had gone too far today, she pulled the fire alarm and must be expelled from school. Imagine how upset I was when I read that letter...Now imagine Haylee, sitting across from me at the my sister Margaret's kitchen table, listening to me scold her...keeping a straight face and letting me finish before handing me a second envelope on school stationery.  This was stating how I just had been pranked! I miss my Haylee.  I'm sure her beauty and wit, and her

According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of insurance is: an agreement in which a person makes regular payments to a company and the company promises to pay money if the person is injured or dies, or to pay money equal to the value of something (house or car) if it is damaged, lost , or stolen. Insurance is supposed to minimize risks in life like accidents, fires, or theft.  So than why do insurance companies always try to find ways NOT to pay? I was given the statement: Liability is adverse to the plaintiff, even if there was coverage and so the bottom line is, there will be no money to offer for settlement.  What does that mean?  The plaintiff in this case is a driver of the vehicle, who was 'on the clock' for work and hit a pedestrian, walking her dog, and left the scene to complete her job. I wish this whole ordeal was over - it's just making me angry - instead of sad.

I began physical therapy one week ago to help with the pain I have associated with the PTTD  I was diagnosed with.  I've gone to four sessions.  I've been getting ultra sound and another treatment where they use (plastic) textured tools to scrape or smooth the muscles and tendons in my lower leg and foot.  I must say it feels really good when they do this. I also get to pick up marbles with my toes and roll a ball throughout the arch and bottom of my foot.  I've learned a few more stretches.  I have to admit - I was not happy to go to PT.   But I'm glad I did!

I joined some of my siblings for lunch yesterday: My brother Chris, his wife Marcia and my sisters Rosi and Margaret.  We all gathered in a corner booth with a round table.  We laughed, we shared, we caught up with details of each other's lives and families.  We ate and drank and definitely need to do this more often!

I am full of structure and rules.  I am hard on myself when I don't follow the things I set up for myself.  I find it hard to forgive myself for not doing what I think I'm supposed to do. The first blog that I wrote was a required part of a contest I won.  I had to write it daily.  Ever since then, I feel that all the blogs I write  need to be daily.  Sometimes this was easy to do.  I would write first thing in the morning or it would be the last thing I did at night...like now.  Only I haven't written anything in six days!  In fact, I've only written about 20 posts since Thanksgiving. So why does this upset me?  Perhaps I didn't have anything to write about.  Or maybe, I didn't want to share how I was feeling.  Or maybe, I was just too busy to write.  Even now, I'm not sure which is the true reason I didn't write daily. It's probably a combination of all three scenarios.   Whatever the reason, I know that when I blog or journal, whene