Just 40 Days

It's Monday morning, and I have had five days of overindulging on good food, drinks, and sweets.  If you're anything like me, you forgot to increase walking and water, and most of all extra fiber.  Now you are suffering from a grand case of holiday bloat.  I had forgotten what I learned a few years ago; to eat plenty of vegetables early in the day when I knew I was going to indulge in extra meals, drinks, and of course those cookies that are only available at Christmastime. So what will I do today to relieve this bloat?  For sure, I will drink more water and walk more.  Perhaps I'll drink tea - that usually soothes my stomach.  I'm considering only protein shakes for one day before I go to the "I can only eat it if God made it" regiment:  of mostly fruits, vegetables and eggs.  I must skip the sweets, the breads, and the adult beverages...no matter how tempting.  I've had more that my fill. Soon it will be January 1st and I like many o...

It's three days before Christmas and I'm gathering my Christmas spirit.  I take it from the music I listen to at work and the movies I watch when I'm home.  I try to see it in others while I'm out and about picking up a few things.  I feel it's sweetness in the goodies that seem to be in abundance.  (My clothes are noticing as they hug me more tightly around my ever growing middle.)  I forget that it is in the GIVING of Christmas that I RECEIVE more of it's SPIRIT. I hope for my family to be happy and kind, generous and thoughtful.  I promise to be a model of patience and thoughtfulness.  I have faith in an ever loving God who promises things will be okay.  I search for love of myself and those that are different from me.  I am reminded of Christmas' past - filled with joys and sorrows - but isn't that how it's supposed to be? Sometimes, I wonder where I would be had I made different choices - only to be reminded that I'm where I'm sup...

Last night I accompanied Paul to his work Christmas Party that was held at the Hilton Garden Inn where Haylee worked.  We had lots of fun and the food was good.  I even saw a couple of former students from Central Catholic and one from my first teaching job at St. Joan of Arc.  He remember my name as soon as I walked up to him! That made me feel really good! But then, as I laid in bed waiting to fall asleep, Clarence (grief) wanted to pay a visit.  He hasn't been in the forefront lately so he really hit me hard.  I have not sobbed or perhaps wept like that in a very long time.   I wasn't too happy about that last night.  But this morning, I feel better. Holidays and memories are what bring joy to us and it's true, those that bring the greatest joy, bring the greatest sorrow.  So many people are missing family members for as many different reasons.  I'm certain they are like me, putting up a strong front, trying to enjoy the moment...

Today is the last day of school before Christmas break.  I'm sure the students are almost as excited as the teachers are!  But they are for different reasons.   I too, suffered from anticipation.  You see, yesterday, I was full of hope.  I had an appointment with the podiatrist and I was hoping to be released from having to wear a boot on my left foot.  I even wore two shoes into the office. I had been wearing the boot for four weeks...since a week before Thanksgiving. Now it's a week before Christmas and I was hoping that my orthotics would be in so that I would be in shoes.  They were not.

Or maybe, Work is more than just You. A friend of mine asked me the other day: How's work going?  I paused to ponder this some and said:  You know, my job is great.  It's just that this year, I've been in chronic pain with my foot and I broke a tooth.  It seems that I'm falling apart.  Have you ever noticed that when you don't feel good, nothing is good? The entire conversation I had with her, helped me change my perspective.  I've been complaining alot, at work, about work.  When really, it's me.  I'm the one focusing on the negative.  I'm the one participating in the gossip.  I'm the one who is grouchy. I'm glad I was reminded of this universal rule: I make my own choices, see what I want to see, and choose how I feel.  I am the one in control of me.

In honor of my 55 years on earth, I have decided to do a few things this year.  I have until my next birthday to reach my lofty goals.  I have not prioritized the list but here it is: Be kind to everyone - especially myself and my family Start getting massages again   Take care of my feet Count calories: 1550 per day limit Fix my teeth Eat 5 servings of vegetables each day Enjoy 2 or 3 servings of fruit each day Save $55 a month. (That's less than $2 a day and over $600 more than I'm saving now!) Bring my weight into a healthy range 150-160 pounds Drink 8 glasses of water each day Workup a good level of sweat during my workouts five days a week. Walk my dog 5 of 7 days a week. Have my dad over for dinner once a month Have my sister Holly over for dinner once a month Go out for fun with my four sisters more often. Volunteer more often Write Thanks yous Send Birthday cards Send Christmas/New Year notes Read more Use the reformer I got for my 50t...

When I was younger, I couldn't wait to be 55 - the speed limit.  I thought it would be fun.  But then they raised the limit to 60 and in some places, even 70.  I bet it will be fun to reach those ages too. Each birthday, I try to reflect on the past year to see how I've grown and changed.  This year, I look back to see that my waist has grown and I've become  less optimistic and more grouchy.  What has happened to me? I don't know if it's the world today, full of terrorists, or our culture of  what seems to be 'no rules', or  our politicians doing what seems to be nothing while I work hard to be poor.  Perhaps I'm in the depression stage of mourning the loss of Haylee.   Maybe it's the chronic pain of my foot or my broken tooth.  What I do know is that I seem to have a bad case of the poor me's. Here it is my birthday and I'm not feeling too happy.  So I write to help process those feelings and get them moving out of my...

It seems like whenever I have time to write, I feel a tickle in my nose and sneeze.  I am not the one sneeze type person.  I have always sneezed at least three and at most seven times in a row.  It's exhausting!  Add sneezing to my broken teeth and the extra bone in my foot and I'm feeling really old, out of shape, and tired. I gotta keep on pushing on and get out of this rut, funk, mess, or whatever this spot I'm stuck in is called. Achoo, achoo, achoo...   God Bless You!

Well what do you know?  Yesterday's pain was better than Saturday's pain.  Does that me that today's pain will be less?  I sure do hope so.  How much better do I feel?  My pain in my foot (which I attribute to the boot) was so much, I mean so less, that I decided to sleep with the boot on last night!  I made it all the way to 4 a.m. before removing it.  It's really hard to sleep with a big clunky boot on your foot!

Before today, I thought that I had a high tolerance for pain.  I was wrong.  I have been wearing the boot on my left foot for a little more than 48 hours now.  (Maybe not that long as I don't have to wear it at night.)  All that I know is that yesterday, I had more pain than I have the entire year I lived with this pain!  I was close to tears all day long. I tried to elevate it; lower it; remove it...all for naught.  I found zero relief.  Even the 800 mg horse pill ibuprofen I've been prescribed didn't help.  My kids said that the boot is probably realigning my foot where is should be.  Walking and jogging on an unknown injury can cause it to heal improperly.  (All's I really heard was the teacher from Charlie Brown "blah blah blah blah blah".)  This hurts dammit! So, after years of thinking I was a tough athlete...I have to admit...I am a whimp.

Earlier today, I had my first visit to a podiatrist.  I came home with this boot.  I must rest my foot for a month.  I'm pretty good at resting it for a couple of days, but that is not enough.  I have had chronic pain all year.  I have learned empathy for others who live in pain. I have also learned that I have a couple of extra little bones in my foot. One in particular that is blocking a tendon from my leg to my foot.  Apparently, I've had it all my life.  But now I'm older and lately heavier.  I have developed PTTD - Posterior Tibial Tendon Dysfunction.  Also known as progressive flatfoot which occurs in women over 50 years of age and may be due to an inherent abnormality of the tendon. So, I will where this boot and in three weeks, orthotics, and maybe some day, have surgery to repair the tendon if necessary.  I will be 55 in a couple of weeks and I really like to walk and jog with my dog Aiden.  But for now, I will pedal ...

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." Ever since my dad remarried, I have to remind myself of the teachings in the bible...over and over again ... although I change the words to " ... a man will leave his children and be united to his wife..." I know that my dad NEVER ever intentionally wants to hurt me or my siblings.  I know that if he ever reads this he will be sad.  I also know that I miss my dad.  I do not like sharing the holidays with another family.  I feel like a child of divorce.   And that's why I'm having these 'childish' feelings of abandonment. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for my dad to find love again after my mom died.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  It's just that I struggle with sharing him on his birthday - because he wanted to share his birthday with his wife's.  Or sharing him on father's day, because they went ov...

As part of my body awareness, or why I am getting fat issue , I promised to weigh myself on Fridays.  As I awoke, feeling the heaviness of my legs and the aches of my feet, I knew it wasn't going to be good.  I haven't been drinking enough water, and I did strength training on Tuesday and Wednesday this week.  My body was telling me that it was retaining water and the scale confirmed: 198.4 pounds.  Which is four pounds more than I weighed last Friday. My body's ability to gain and lose 4-5 pounds over night has always amazed me.  I can't let it get me down.  I must stay the course and remember that a four week total is more realistic.  Here's my reminder to drink more water today, eat my fruits and vegetables, and don't forget to exercise!

I know it's not going to be a pain free day when my feet are aching before I get out of bed.  After years of over use and abuse and several month's of chronic foot pain - pain from shin splints that never really went away - I went to my doctor.  She ordered an x-ray and recommended a podiatrist.  (She also recommended a weight loss of 20-30 pounds...as if I didn't know.) Today they called with the results of the x-ray - didn't see any new injury, but saw evidence of previous injury or surgery.  I replied with: I've never had surgery and never reported any injury...unless shin splints and over use counts. I can't wait until next week, when I go to the podiatrist.  It's really, really tough to do anything when my feet hurt so much, the pain brings tears to my eyes.

Last week, my health insurance provider did a health screen at work.  I weighed in at 10 pounds more than I did three years ago.  When I went to my doctor on Friday, it was confirmed that my weight has crept up to 194 pounds.  What am I doing to myself? It's not like I didn't know it was happening.  I had to purchase size 14 pants over four years ago.  Those fit nicely when I weigh in the 180's. (They're really snug at 194!)  Just like the size 12's fit when I weigh 165-170 and the size 10 fit when I'm at my ideal weight of 150-155.  What am I going to do?  I know how to keep myself healthy. I could start eating more fruits and vegetables and less bread and crackers.  I could eat six times a day instead of the two and half times I seem to be doing.  I could exercise for more than the 30-45 minutes.  I'm sure if I just bumped up the number of workouts to 5 a week instead of 3, I would lose some weight.  I could walk my dog...

I am an educator. I value education. I am a parent.  I am a single parent who raised four children.  I am now a grandparent.  I am a teacher.  I am fortunate that my children were blessed with a work ethic and a desire to learn new things.  In fact, they continue to learn new things daily.  They value their education.  They enjoy what knowledge gives them. I never had the desire nor the time to 'do' homework or projects with my children.  Don't get me wrong, I was present while they did it, but THEY did it.  They did it sloppy; they did it neat; they did it right and they did it wrong.  The point is, THEY did it.  And they got the grades they earned. NEVER in my wildest dreams did I ever dream of doing it for them...ummm....that's CHEATING! And cheating never helped anyone. During my first year of teaching in an elementary school, back in the 1990's, the 5th grade teacher across the hall from me was upset as she just learned...

My mom's favorite time of year was Autumn and I can't help but to think of her every time I see a burning bush.  It's funny how things or times of years can trigger a memory.  I miss her everyday.

My Mom, aka the lunchroom lady, during a Halloween parade at Raymer School sometime in the 80's My mom was born on Halloween.  She would be celebrating her 80th birthday this year.  I'm writing this blog from the oldest (working) computer in my house, a Mac Power PC G4.  It was the one I used when my mom was alive and is still where 95% of my photos are.  [Now that's scary!] My mom has been in heaven since 2008.  I miss her.  Sometimes I think of the sad times, like the day of her funeral, when Haylee helped me make it through the day.  But most times I think of times of her life, like always giving you something when you left her house: one day she gave me a pencil!  I looked at her confused and she said:  My mom always gave me something when I left, so ... I can't help myself so just take it! I remember my mom riding her bike to work at Raymer school.  Did you know that she was the only one of the girls in her family that learn...

Today has not gone anything like I thought it would. Healthy Choices First of all, I had a dentist appointment  This was supposed to be the 2nd step in a four step process to repair the tooth that broke on Labor Day.  But a half hour into the appointment, it was determined that there were complications from the 1st step and that I needed another extraction.  So I had to call off work for the entire day.  I sent a text with lesson plans to my principal and let the dentist get on with his work. Four stitches and 90 minutes later, I was on my way home to rest for day. (I know, the elementary school teachers reading this blog are thinking ' tough break, having an unexpected sick day on halloween'. ..) A short while later, there was a knock at my door, so Aiden's barking woke me from my rest.  It was a friend bringing me lunch!  An angel, helping me make good choices!  Thank you so much for the veggies and hummus!  The numbness has finally worn...

I cannot believe how long it has been since I've written.  My last post date was over two weeks ago and my body is letting me know.  I'm tired, sore, and I can't play the music loud enough to drown out my thoughts.  Stress is a thief.  It takes away peace.  It takes away health. Writing is a quick way for me to process my thoughts or sometimes just to vent.  If I don't, all of the things I'm worried about create stress. Lately my thoughts have been about concern for my children and their happiness and health.  My dental issues and the looming cost for repair - over 10% of my annual salary!  Depositions and a raccoon.  Failing and new technology in my buildings has kept me extremely busy at work.  Some of my students and their parents have robbed me of my sanity.  Add my commute to anywhere in the area, through the miles and miles of construction, and it's a challenge to stay positive. So I have a glass of wine when I get home ...

One of my favorite sounds in the world is the leaves crunching and scraping the ground as a kick my way through them.  I believe this weekend was the beginning of the leaves falling. As I walk through the park with Aiden, he sniffs and smells everything.  I have to admit, I also enjoy the earthy aroma of drying leaves.  It's a wonderful time of year. Right now, many of the trees are still green.  I can't wait until all of the trees change colors to enjoy the beautiful sight that God made for us.

Dear Haylee, I can't believe it's been 18 months since you died.  Sometimes it seems like yesterday. Sometimes I can't believe it happened at all. Today we all went to church at St. Pat's and then stopped off at the cemetery where your ashes are.  After that we went to St. Rose for JC and Jen's baby, Cobie Jade's baptism. I thought about Carly's baptism two years ago, at St. Pat's - because you were there.  That was one of the last times we were all in church together. I thought about Cobie's great grandma Herman, her grandmother and your god mother, Barb and you.  I'm sure you were all looking down at us with pride and joy. I miss you. Love, Mom

I am a morning person, the two other people I live with are not.  I am out numbered, unless I count my dog Aiden, who can go either way, as long as there is food involved.  I tried to train all of my children in the habit of going to bed before midnight and wake up before 8 a.m.  I told them it was the way God intended.  I would say three out the four were morning people, the type like Aiden - if food was involved.  But my oldest son, Derrick never really was.  And it looks like he passed that trait down to his daughter Carly. For the past three or four month's, my prayers were answered and Derrick got a job that required he join the morning person club.  In fact, he has to be at work by 5:00 a.m. so he sometimes goes to bed before me!  After work, he goes to the university full time and manages to pick up Carly from school and participates in her after school activities.  Meanwhile, I'm the one who takes Carly to school in the morning....

Super Skylar! I am fortunate to be able to watch my granddaughter while her parents are out of town.  It's one of the easiest things I have to do.  She is so good at entertaining herself.  She constantly cracks herself up! Love and laughter all around.  Life is good!

My mother taught me that babies need a routine to feel secure. Now that I'm older, I know that humans in general, need routines to feel safe.  But not all routines are good. In the aftermath of yet another mass shooting, President Obama  stated that we have become numb.  We are no longer shocked by the murder of innocent people.  It's as if we expect this sort of violence.  And why not, it happens weekly. The people of the United States are going through a routine, to process the evil events of mass shootings.  We are trying to understand something that does not make sense.  What we need to do is make a change.  We can begin with being kind to all people.

For the past 24 hours, I can think of nothing but missing my Haylee.  Unless you count missing my best friend ever, my sister Barb.  Or being reminded of my mother, who loved fall and was born on Halloween.  I am in such denial of my grief, I may just burst...and so I write. I drive to work everyday, behind a Ford Focus and think:  the Irony...my daughter was killed by a distracted driver in a Ford Focus. OR I think: the Irony...my sister was run over by a train that she was controlling by remote control. OR my Irish Mother had a 'bloody' stroke at the EXACT time the van she was in, was T-Boned by a distracted driver, as she was taking lilies to the church on Good Friday. I think ALL of things are so unthinkable!  Or nonsense...but they are REAL. I know that I must accept these things, even though I don't like them.  Sometimes Clarence, it's hard to see the things the way God sees them.

I've always been a fan of TV emergency rooms series:  Emergency, MASH, Dr. Quinn, ER, House, Grey's Anatomy, and look forward to the new Code Black.  When Haylee died, it changed me.  I love them more.  They are the last people who were with her when she died. Anyone who works in trama and/or emergency rooms are angels.  Thank you.

I have to admit...I've had ice-cream more than once today. My mother taught me that I have to 'test' the ice-cream, upon returning from the grocery store, to make sure that it is okay.    ---  It was. If you go to the zoo - you have to get ice-cream.   ---  I did My x-husband always had ice-cream for an evening snack.  --- I learned from the best. (I think that means I had ice-cream 3X today!!  Did you?)

I don't know how you were raised, but I couldn't do ANYTHING on Saturday until my chores were finished.  My mom was so mean, she even moved the couch to make sure we swept under it. I remember cleaning the bathrooms with Comet .  I had seven siblings and we all had different jobs every Saturday:  living room, family room, kitchen, bathrooms. I know that my faced looked just like the clip art I chose for this.  Which is also the face of my grand-daughter Carly.  (Only the vacuum looks different.) I want you to know that I did my laundry, made my bed and dusted all that I could today.  (I also watched 3 movies and caught up on 3 TV shows I missed during the week.) Just sayin'  I can multi-task!

Prodigal Son... Whatever you are, whatever you've did, it's a page in your book but it isn't the end... your Father will meet you... This song, this verse is replaying over and over in my head.  I have to share it.  Whether it's a story you remember or one you looked up on Wiepedia .  We are humans...spirits that live on earth.  We all have struggles and NONE are too big for God. In the places you're week, HE is very strong.  Don't ever believe that you don't deserve love! Pope Francis is in our country.  I wish I could meet him.  I've read all I can about him and what he believes and what He's been saying.  Thank you God for Pope Francis.  I needed a Pope like Him!

I think the last time I financed a car was 10 years ago.  It was a Lincoln Continental.  I bought it from my friend, Sandi Shinaberry.  I have a lot of good memories of that car and of Sandi. Today, I agreed to pay on a 2008 Jeep Compass for about 3 years.  I'm not too sure if I'm happy or sad that I have good credit.

It finally feels like things are settling down in most areas of my life...especially work...which seems to be stressing me of late.  We have our fall standardize testing nearly completed.  Parents are getting used to their new teachers and how they are grading their students.  The weather has been perfect and to top it off, it's week four of my teen class at the YMCA and for the first time in a very long time, all of the students who showed up the first day, continued to attend and finished the class in four weeks! Bravo to all!

I'm struggling with all of the people I see using their phones all of the time.  I mean, ALL of the time.  I constantly say things to my kids...who I KNOW text while driving.  They always respond, I only do it at red lights.  WTF?  is what I'm thinking. If you are texting at a red light, then you're waiting for a respond while your driving, which means that you are not focused on the RESPONSIBILITY you have to yourself and all drivers to keep that two ton vehicle on the road. I don't know what to do with these feelings. 

I am SOOOO lucky!  I know the city in which I live and I am not afraid to drive anywhere.  I grew up east of the river and my grandmother lived across town.  We would visit here every Sunday.  I had friends in high school who lived in the suburbs. I moved away from Toledo in 1978 to attend college and didn't move back until late 1989.  It was during those years that I was forced to learn where I was going in the cities that I lived.  I remember my siblings commenting on the fact that I drove for 20 minutes just to shop at a particular store. They didn't understand that in most of the cities I lived, everything was 20 minutes away. I thought it was 'normal' to do so.  When my four kids got older and started playing sports, their cyo events took me all over the diocese.  I taxied or followed them to their events from 1990-2006, all the way through college.  It's a good thing I like to drive and that I can remember where I live!

Yesterday afternoon, after nearly a day of rain, I decided to take a short trip to the lake - giving Derrick a 24 hour break from all his roommates; time for himself and his studies.  Usually, I don't go to the lake unless I get to stay a couple of days as itt is a two and a half hour car trip.  But the weather looked promising, so Carly, Aiden, and I packed a bag and took off. We arrived in time for dinner and since it was cold and windy there, we stayed inside and watched a movie together.  This morning, the weather did not disappoint.  It was sunny and reached the low 70's.  Carly was able to get a little kayaking in and I was able to get a short walk in the neighborhood with Aiden, and a short track workout at the middle school.  I was also able to visit with a childhood friend who was also at the lake.  Life was good today!

I had a nice visit with my dad tonight.  It was just what I needed after a pretty rough couple of weeks.  I am so lucky to have him.  I love you Dad!

Recap:  About 10 days ago I broke a tooth.  That was followed by a trip to the dentist and later in the week, three extractions.  Two days after that, I innocently bent over to put something away in a bottom cupboard and my lower back tightened up making it hard for me to stand straight or walk.  This morning, I awoke almost back to normal.  For that, I am grateful. What I'd like to know is this: Was it the ibuprofen regimen?  The twice daily - laying on my back flat on the floor? Meeting with my boss? Meeting with my attorney? Playing frisbee with my dog? Sharing dinner with friends? Or the beautiful weather this week? Maybe I just feel better because it's Friday and the last day of our school wide standardize testing.  It could be from all the prayers and concerns of my friends.  Or just maybe, I turned it over to God, and let him take care of me.

Shakespeare wrote: To Thine Ownself Be True - which to me means: I should stick to my principles, not assimilate, and that I should do what I believe.  My health and well being depend on it!

Have you ever felt that if you had just one more thing to do, it would be the 'straw that broke the camel's back' or 'the last straw'?  And just where does that phrase come from?  I checked in with Wikipedia to find out:  "The idiom the straw that broke the camel's back , alluding to the proverb "it is the last straw that breaks the camel's back", describes the seemingly minor or routine action which causes an unpredictably large and sudden reaction, because of the cumulative effect of small actions. This gives rise to the phrase "the last straw" or "the final straw", meaning the last in a line of unacceptable occurrences, provoking a seemingly sudden strong reaction. " This year has been extra stressful for me in so many ways:  personal loss, finances, family issues, legal issues, health issues, school issues and ending the long list with daily dealings with technology that my job entails and an unexpected...

The first thing I said to my dentist this morning was: there's a reason I've waited this long to have this work done...and it isn't all about the money, although that's part of it.   I needed to have three teeth pulled in preparation for a six tooth bridge from canine to canine.   I was more nervous than I thought.  I chose to have a little Nitrous Oxide to help me relax while they numbed my bottom jaw.  The gas was helpful, I didn't feel any of the numbing injections and soon my lip felt fatter than my calf.  My tongue wasn't doing half bad either.  They stopped the gas and gave me oxygen.  Why do dentists always try to talk to you when your mouth is numb? First they took a couple of molds of my teeth before they prepped my canine teeth to be the anchors of my new bridge.  That took awhile...filing down perfectly good teeth... my dentist was sitting during this part.  Next up the three extractions.  My dentist stood up for this...

When I was 18 years old, I was in a car accident that nearly broke off all of my bottom teeth as my head hit the dashboard.  I was wearing my retainer at the time and that prevent them from falling out.  They wired my teeth to my jaw and told me I would probably need root canals. When I was 36 years old, one of the injured teeth, died due to the trama 18 years before.  I've had a temporary tooth for the past 18 years.  Last night, as I bit into some of my favorite chocolate (Hershey's), one of my bottom teeth became loose. It didn't really hurt, but my tongue can't leave it alone.   My dentist told me about five years ago that this was going to happen.  I'll be call Dr. Sexton tomorrow morning to tell him he was right.

Yesterday I was so excited about getting a full night sleep but today is a different story. The beginning of the school year is very busy time for me as the director of technology - meeting everyone's tech needs, and as a teacher of 450 students.  I also work at the YMCA and this week is the start of the fall session.  So, needless to say, I'm adjusting to the stress level of my work.  Add in the heat and humidity of the day and I guess you have the perfect formula for a sleepless night! I will go for a walk tonight with my dog Aiden.  I know that it helps reduce both of our stress levels.  I will turn in around nine and do a little reading.  Maybe I'll have a glass of milk too!

I can't remember the last time I did it but I slept through the night last night!  No 3 a.m. potty break.  Hardly any tossing or turning.  I just had a plain old great night of sleep!  Yeah for me! I can't wait to see what great things lie ahead of me this day.  With eight hours of sleep under my belt, I should not struggle with finding words.  I should have no problem thinking clearly.  And most of all, I hope to have a repeat performance tonight!

Had my mother not passed away eight years ago, my parents would have been married 60 years today!  Wow!  I remember their 50th wedding anniversary.  They were so happy.  That's one of the last memories I have of my mom as shortly after that, she started having brain seizures and never really was the mom I knew. 

It's been a while since I had a good cry, missing Haylee.  I'm finding it hard to believe that she's really not here on earth. It seems like I just saw her yesterday.  I ended up running a slide show on my computer with all her photos in it.  It was a good cry.

I read a great article in the 'May We Help You?" section of my September O Magazine by  Martha Beck .   She used a metaphor of a vending machine as life where virtue was money and happiness was the product.   So if we are always doing the right thing, or being virtuous, then why aren't we happy?  The article suggests it's because we are using the wrong kind of money, erroneously valuing/defining virtue. My favorite dictionary, Merriman Webster,  defines virtue as:  conformity to a standard of right or  a particular moral excellence.   I believe that doing the right thing should ALWAYS be in the forefront of our minds.  The big question is whose standard of right?   If I do what is politically correct or what what my religion wants, or what my parents say then I should be happy - right?  But if those standards weigh heavily on my own instincts of what is right or wrong then I will not be happy.  I will b...

I think it was Ben Franklin who said:  Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. That is a thought I've always agreed with...at least the healthy part.  I can say that I'm pretty healthy. I don't take any medication aside from the occasional ibuprofen.  But as a single mother of four, with a single income from a Catholic school, I'm certainly not wealthy unless wealth is measured in all things but dollars.  As for the wisdom part, I'd like to think I grow in wisdom each day. When I woke up a little after four this morning, instead of my usual 5:30 work day schedule, I decided to just get to my day.  I started thinking about what I was going to write about and wrote the title to this post.  Now my intention was to call it:  Early to Rise.   But as you see, I made an error.  I went to fix the error and decided I liked this title better: Early to Wise. I believe all of the events in our lives are opportu...

Ever since I found out that Haylee was killed by a distracted driver, a driver who was texting, my heart has been restless. Previously, I thought I held a peaceful acceptance of a terrible accident that took my daughter's life.  Now my brain is spinning constantly...what to do, what to do?  As I drive to and from work, I see more than half (if not all) of the other drivers with their heads down, looking at their phone!  It makes me want to SCREAM:  My daughter was killed by a driver like you! There are so many campaigns out there - trying to educate drivers.  I want to join one.  I want to make a difference. I don't want anyone to lose someone they love to a distracted driver.

With five days of school under my belt, I'm realizing how out of 'school shape' I am.  My voice hurts from talking more.  My feet hurt from standing on a concrete floor all day.  My pedometer is happy as I easily get nearly half of my goal while at work.  Gone are the days of summer when I can sleep in past 6 a.m.  My patience is still...um, let's say its okay.  I really try to give the students time to do the right thing. I really try to hear their excuses.  I really try to see things their way.   Big Sigh....