Life is Hard...and Sometimes It's Not

March and April, no wait, Lent is hard for me.  You see, I associate Lent with the losses of my sister Barb on a Friday, (3/13/98), during lent and my daughter Haylee on (4/11/14).  It's hard to lose someone you love.  Since everyone grieves differently, the people I would like to grieve with, my family, (who are grieving at different levels than I) are --- let's say --- "unavailable" to share their grief with me.

I can see why and how GRIEF tears families apart.  I miss my sisters.  I had four, but when we lost one of us, Barb...some of grieved in different ways.  So we grew apart.  Then when we lost our mom ten years later, the divide became greater.  I know that there are lots of other things that divide us, but I believe it began with grief.  Grief changes you.

So a few years after my mom died, my daughter died.  I think that my sisters do not know how to talk to me about this.  Perhaps they think I need to get over it or something.  I don't know.  What I do know is that when my mom lost her daughter, I NEVER ever said or thought one unkind word to or about her grief.  I could never put myself in her shoes...it was too painful.  So I didn't.  I just loved and listened to her whenever she needed to talk about Barb.   I wonder if my mom talked to her sisters about her loss.  I miss my sisters.

Since Haylee died, my children, their dad, and I are not the same.  AGAIN, we all grieve differently.  We go through the stages at different times.  I think my (living) children are afraid to talk to me about Haylee. If I ask them, they say they're fine.  But I see differently than they do and besides...

Well, I'm not always fine.  I need to talk to the people who loved the people I loved, that died.

It may get ugly sometimes because GRIEF is raw emotion.  It may make us happier as we share the stories because GRIEF is raw emotion.  But we have to do it.  It helps us grow.   And when my kids or my brothers and sisters are feeling things like me...I want to share it...I need validation.  It is good for our souls.  Our spirit depends on it.