Feeling Squished

I remember how I felt after seeing Haylee in the hospital on the morning of April 10th.  I felt squished, heavy, foggy, perhaps dazed. It was definitely something I had never felt before.  Perhaps it is just the feeling you feel when you lose a child.  I don't know.

I do know that I also remember the feeling going away later in the day,  perhaps it was denial.  At the funeral home,  the squished feeling returned, making it real again.  It's exhausting this grieving thing.  It's like being put through a ringer.

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