Nurture

Taking care of me; encouraging my spirit; developing my body and mind, that is what today's focus is all about: nurturing.  When I take care of myself, I am defusing the stress in my life.  That is a big statement, 'stress in my life', as I tend to deny that I'm stressed.  I deny it by going through my life events by searching for the good.  Believe me, I am good at seeing the bright side of everything!

But if I would be honest with myself, I would acknowledge that I have stress. I think that is the first step: Wow this is hard or this is stressful.  If I would acknowledge it, then I can better cope with it.  As obviously, I tend to overeat when I'm stressed.  How else would I have gained 15 pounds each year for the past three years, leading me to be close to 50 pounds overweight.

So today I will give name to some of the stress in my life.  First of all, I have been a single parent for more than 25 years. I worry about my kids and they're adults!  I want them to be happy and independent, as all parents do and I can't give that to them.  All of my kids are smart, funny, and kind. They are all good looking.  But not all of my kids nurture themselves.  As a parent, this is disheartening.  It's not like when they're little and looked to you for guidance and protection.  As adults, they make their own decisions and protect themselves, and usually not in the same way a parent would do it.

As I write this, I am realizing that I have to let them go.  Let them be free to make their own mistakes and to realize the consequences of them whether good or bad.  Something I tried to do as I was raising them.  I also realizing that I'm scared.  I'm scared because about three years before Haylee died, I made a conscience decision that I had to let her make her own decisions and to quit giving her my advice and opinions.

I decided I would just support her decisions, answer her questions, and just love her and pray for her. And guess what?  Good things and not so good things happened.  We became better friends. And now she is gone forever. That is what scares me.  My daughter Justine is married to a good man and they have a daughter.  They are all doing pretty well so it's easier to let them go.  But what about my sons?

My youngest son, Paul, is on his own and I'm watching the changes in him.  Physical changes that I try not to worry about.  My oldest son, Derrick, is going to school full time. He and his eight year old daughter live with me.  This was a good arrangement for us both until he lost his job. He has been unemployed for six months.  I know how unemployment effects a person.  It pains me to watch his struggles.  And it is hurting our living situation.

And so I will continue to pray for and love them as they grow into the men I know they can be.  I will keep my mouth shut to advise and to overeating!  I will take care of me.  I am worth it!