Good Grief

It's been nearly eight months or over 240 days since Haylee went to heaven.  I took Aiden for a walk in our neighborhood around 7:00 tonight to look at the Christmas lights.  I was thinking of Haylee, walking her dogs around this same time.  Only it was spring and the days were longer so it was approaching dusk while tonight was pretty darn dark.

I have been battling the grieving process lately.  It seems that I'm continuously sad.  Last night I woke up around 3:00 a.m. and couldn't fall back asleep until after 4:30.  My mind was thinking about some family members that are truly angry.  Angry to the point of being hateful.  I'm trying to understand their grief, as I know that all of us that knew and loved Haylee are grieving.  Each of us are chugging along to accepting the loss of her at our own pace.  I was losing sleep because I didn't want the words we say to cause us to lose the living family members we still have.

I wrote and rewrote a letter in my head to send to a family member who lives all the way in Arizona.  I thought I could say things to help them understand.  I've decided not to write anything because they didn't ask anything of me.  They and others, only THINK they know what I'm doing, without asking me.  I find this very hard for me to accept as a conversation between family members might help a lot of people.

But I read something today about letting go of people who dull your shine, poison your spirit, and bring you drama...(Steve Maraboli)  But what if those people are your family, your blood, someone you love no matter what?

Grief is a mystery.