Guilt

My heart has been so heavy these days.  If I'm not crying, I'm just glum.  I know that this is all normal - as if losing a child is normal - but now I'm feeling guilty.  Do you want to know what I feel guilty of?

I feel guilty that I think Haylee's death was a blessing.  I feel guilty because I see the good, that she is no longer suffering.  As I write this, I know that, although they are my feelings of guilt, they may not be rationale.  Seeing the good in all things has always been a blessing to me and my ability to cope with things that I don't understand.  Why in the world would I feel guilty about that?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mid Life ... Crisis or Not

Image
As I mentioned yesterday, perhaps I'm in a midlife crisis.  I've been reading several articles and blogs:  The Midlife Crisis ,  10 Signs , and  Is it Real?  to name a few.  So I've decided, I am in a crisis and it is in the middle of my life.  But I'm not going to buy anything elaborate --- except maybe that trip to Ireland I'm planning this year.  I've been overly stressed and overwhelmed. I've been worried about my health and well being and I do feel inadequate in both my family and professional life though and that bothers me.  Nothing really has changed except my perception.  At least that's what I keep telling myself.  It's all me and how I look at things. And then I don't believe myself --- which causes a crisis!  UGH!
Read more

Movie Night

Image
It's family movie night at our house.  We just finished watching Earth to ECHO , a movie none of us had seen before. I liked it.  It was Sandlot ish... about a group of childhood friends, solving a problem and becoming better friends because of it.  It also reminded me of the Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind, Flight of the Navigator , or  ET as the plot envolved children and space creatures or aliens. Next up is Big Hero 6 which we saw in the movie theatre and I wrote about in November.  I hope I can stay awake til the end. After that, they may watch The Book of Life but I'm sure I'll be asleep by then.  I love movie nightA
Read more

Just Laugh

Image
I think the best people in the world are those that can laugh at themselves.  Laughing is good for the soul.  It's healthy.  It's contagious.  It makes me smile just writing about it. During the month of April, our school is focusing on the life skill of having a sense of humor.  Making light of situations is a great way to cope with the things you are going through.  And if you can find a way to laugh at it, the situation may not get you down. I am blessed to find the good and to especially find the humor in the awkward and sometimes painful situations I have lived through in my life's journey.
Read more