Just 40 Days

Today begins another set of forty days.  I have completed seven of them so far:  Giving up things; without facebook, withough Haylee, or adding things; more prayer, eating healthy and exercising... I must say, I've really only successfully completed the first set - 40 days without facebook. All of my other challenges are ongoing.  They are ways I can cope with the things going on in my life.  I am grateful for the ability to write my thoughts out.  It is good to go back and read what I was thinking about days ago and what I think about the situation now.  To see how much I have grown. These next forty days, I will continue to focus my prayer life.  At times, I find myself worrying about my family and I pray that they find the courage to face the challenges of their day and that they continue to grow into the person God intends them to be.  I love you Derrick, Justine and Paul.

Every year I try to make it until November to turn my heat on.  This year I wasn't even close.  I turned it on weeks ago although I set the schedule to a high of 62 when I'm in the house and 55 for when I'm gone and to sleep by.  I've bumped up the 62 to 65 a couple times and today I set it to the winter schedule: 5am wake-68,  8am leave-62, back to 68 around 4pm and 62 at 11pm for sleeping. I'd like to blame this early arrival of continuous heated air on the fact that my granddaughter is in the house, but it's really because I am cold.  I've been freezing when I go to bed, that I thought about flannel sheets.  And flannel sheets usually don't come out until December! 

My 8 month old granddaughter is here visiting for a few days.  I haven't seen her for a few weeks and she has grown so much.  She crawls faster, laughs more (if that was possible) and has learned how to clap! She is pure delight!  Thank you God for the gift of life, for laughing children, and the hope of continued joy.

Sometimes I don't pray.  Sometimes I just wish.  Aren't they the same thing? I used to think they were.  But I've learned that when I pray I feel better but when I wish I still feel anxious.  So they must be different.

I think I'm anticipating the pre-trial hearing in Haylee's hit and run case this week.  It's causing me anxiety.  I don't even plan to attend although some of my family will be there.  I just wish life was not as complicated as we make it. There really isn't much I can do about the situation except to pray for the judge, the prosecutor,  the driver and her family and for my family; I pray that everyone is able to make good decisions and accept the decisions that are made.  I pray for the courage to listen to my family express their pain.  I pray for wisdom to keep my mouth shut.  I pray for hugging and communication as the day of April 9, 2014 is revisited. I usually do not have much anxiety.  I have learned to trust God and His plan for us.  It's not always easy but it does always help.  It helps to know that I am not in charge.  It helps to know that God always loves us no matter what.  It helps to know that my faith has never let me down.

Today was a melancholy kind of day.  I tried to keep busy so that I wouldn't have time to cry: I walked three miles with Aiden, did laundry, computer consulting, went to the apple orchard and even sat on the porch for a game of 'color car'.  But I just miss my Haylee. Some days are harder than others.

I cannot remember the last time I was up to the Irish Hills of Michigan for a visit.  As a kid, we vacationed mostly on Wamplers Lake where my mom's brother, Uncle Phil & Aunt Bessie had a place.  One of the last vacations I remember, my sister Barb was still alive and she has been gone since 1998. Many of my relatives now have places in the Irish Hills.  Some are on Wamplers Lake; another is on Stony Lake, and this weekend I was with friends from work on Devils Lake.  The view of a lake on a fall morning is gorgeous! (Okay, a view of a lake on any day is too!)  I love the smell of wood and leaves burning and can't get enough of the crunchy sound as we walked around dreaming what was inside each cottage.  I drove around the lake as I left and took the scenic route towards Hayes State Park to see if I could remember where any of my cousin's cottages were. The landscape was filled with farms, pumpkins, lakes and trees.  There was still alot of color mixed in with a

Well what do you know...I slept through the night!  I cannot remember the last time I did that.  I usually get up at least once to use the bathroom.  But according to the data on my UP app that came with my Jawbone, I got over six hours of sleep with zero wake ups! I bet I know the reason why.  I truly did not have anything to eat after 7 pm.  (As I was at Camelot!)  Everyday I try not to have anything to eat after dinner...but usually fail around 8:30 or so.  Perhaps this will help motivate me to stick to the plan, no eating after 7 pm.  Lord knows that a good night's sleep is much better than any late night snack!

Tonight I am attending a production of Camelot, the Broadway Musical, at the Stranahan Theater.  I have never seen it but have always been a fan of Disney's version of the Sword and the Stone and I binge watched the television series Merlin last year.  I find it interesting that my granddaughter, Carly, has been learning about JFK in her third grade classroom and remember the connection that was draw from him to Camelot. Whether real or folktale, it is an interesting story of pure innocence of youth and the struggles of  adults who face the evils of mankind.  As Arthur imagines the possibilities of a peaceful solution to all the wrongs of the world.                         I do love musicals!

My friends know that I will always say what's on my mind.  That's not always a good thing as I should think before I speak.  That's a ongoing struggle for me.  I'm glad that my friends still choose me as a friend even though I can be brutal - brutally honest that is.  I've started to read The Book of Awakening .  It's a daily devotional type of book.  This morning's reading, page 347, was about honest friends.  It reminds me that to have a friend, I have to be a friend.  I really really liked this line: "Having an honest friend...is a form of wealth that will buy you nothing but will give you everything." (paraphrased of course.) Even though I can feel lonely at times, I know that I can pick up the phone, send an email or even write a letter to anyone of the friends that I have made over the past 50 years and they will still understand and accept me for me.  Thank you for being my friend!

As the weather gets cooler, I crave more.  I crave meatloaf and baked potatoes...which reminds me of my sister Barb because it was one of her favorite meals.  I crave oatmeal cookies without raisins and warm tea. I cannot remember the last time I had either of those things.  I have baked potatoes at least twice a week.  Well, microwaved potatoes  - is that the same thing?  I've had oatmeal for breakfast and had protein snacks that had a crunch of oatmeal, but not a plain, freshly baked oatmeal cookie.  I have been drinking alot more tea lately. I'm teaching my granddaughter, Carly, the wonder of holding the warm cup and inhaling the aroma.  Or how adding just a spoonful of honey helps to sweeten it a bit.  Tonight we are having a caramel chia. My mother taught me to love tea.  She taught me how to appreciate many things: the changing leaves of the fall,  the colors of the harvest, the crunching of the dried leaves on the sidewalk as we walk through the neighborhood.  I

After eight weeks of following Mercy Weight Mgt center's Healthy Solutions program I finally broke free of weighing in the 180s.  I weighed 179 this morning!  Yeah for me! When trying to lose weight it's hard to remember that I didn't become obese overnight.  It took a few years to get there just like it's going to take a few months of hard work to get back to normal.

After a pretty good night sleep, I awoke to a sunny morning.  I made my coffee and enjoyed a quiet breakfast as everyone else in the house was still asleep...except for Aiden of course. After watching my favorite:  CBS Sunday Morning, Aiden and I braved the cold for a two mile walk at the park.  I did a couple of little chores like cleaning the ceiling fans and going to the grocery store.  I've been sitting in front of the TV for the last 4 or 5 hours catching up on Marvel's Agent's of SHIELD and learning to like Sleepy Hollow.  Now it's time for AFV and Once Upon Time. It was nice not to do much today.

Today I took Carly to see the Book of Life .  A very emotional time for me.  It starts on November 2nd - The Day of the Dead.  It included the story of the Land of the Remembered and the Land of the Forgotten.  As long as your loved ones are remembered they are never really gone.  I miss you Haylee. Lessons from the movie:  Always play from the heart and write your own story.

Really?!#$%^&* I just wanted to say that today still is a happy day...even though the weekend at the lake is next week.  My hair looks great though!  And I get to catch up on all the things around the house that need to be done.  [You know, those things that were the reason you were going to the lake in the first place.]

It truly is a happy day.  After restarting the storage device that was in the middle of a process when I left work last night, it works fine!  Yippee!  I received zero error messages!  Hip hip hoorrray!  Other things that make today great is that it was a teachers can wear jeans day!  And to top it off, I'm getting a hair cut after work and then heading to Irish Hills!   It's a weekend getaway for the 'basement dwellers' where I work.  (Those of us who dwell in the basement.)  Besides me, that list includes the librarian, the (retired) gym teacher, and the (previous) art teacher. Cheers!

It has been nearly three weeks of IT hell for me.  Everyday I would come to work to find something not working.  I don't like it when I sit down to my desk and I receive a message thats says:  unable to connect to all drives.  But that was my life. As I get ready to leave work today, I have my fingers crossed that when I arrive in the morning I will not receive any messages.  I've done all that I know and all that I can.  I will let the last 'process' run on it's own and restart it in the morning. Crossing my fingers...

I'm sure that this is true for all women of faith.  When my children are struggling I pray for them. I pray that when they are hurting they will not turn to the vices of man and over indulge in distractions like shopping, drugs, alcohol, food or sex.  I hope that they do not turn off their feelings and develop hatred or anger towards others. I pray that they will feel vulnerable enough to turn to, talk to and to trust Jesus.  I want them to know that they are not alone in their struggles.  I want them to have courage to face the challenges in their lives.  I want them to find peace and happiness within themselves. I love you Derrick, Justine, and Paul.  Trust in the Lord with all your heart.  Do not rely on your own understanding.  ~ Proverbs 3:5

I'm at an age where many of my friends and my dad are downsizing their homes.  They are relocating, moving, retiring.  What I have noticed most is the emotional process they have to go through to make this change.  Our 'stuff' identifies us.  Somehow it is an outward look of who we are. Those that are making this change each behave a little different.  Some appear okay with the departure of things that were important to them.  Some repeat over and over again that this is a good thing as if they are trying to convince themselves that their stuff doesn't make them who they are.  I noticed my dad seemed almost hurt when no one wanted some of his stuff.  Perhaps he didn't realize that we have our own stuff. So whether it's marriage, divorce, retirement, death, or just plain old downsizing - sorting through the stuff of our lives is both a physical and emotional process.  It's another chance to grow into the person God wants us to be.

Today has been a pretty good day so far.  Almost all of the things that were broken at work are back in working order.  That creates less stress and makes me feel better. This past weekend was full of ups and downs.  I did alot of weeping.  I guess I needed to as I feel much better now.  The heart heals in a different way than machines.  The scars on our hearts make us who we are.

This is the back of the house. Today I took a road trip to Tiffin with my sister Holly and my granddaughter Carly, to visit my Aunt Dorothy.  Aunt Dorothy is one of my mom's three sisters.  She is aka Sr. Carolette, a Tiffin Franciscan.   We had a very nice visit. It was a gorgeous autumn day.  We were outside most of the time, riding around the large campus/farm in a golf cart.  (Carly really liked that part!)  We went into the Earth Center to see some animals and then toured a house made of straw!  What makes this house truly unique is, it is the first certified passive structure in Ohio and the first certified passive straw bale house in the United States.   Straw Bale House of St. Francis

Dear Haylee, I cannot believe you've been gone for six months.  I'm so sad for all of us missing your funny self.   I know that you are happy where you are cuz Justine told me you were in her dreams.  I love you. Mom

I was fortunate to attend the  Thrive Tour  last night at the Huntington Center.  I love the after glow of a concert. It's just what I needed...to get my mojo back...to get to feeling more like myself...to remind me that life is hard and sometimes it's not. But really,  I have a new favorite song  Just Be Held And all three artists, Sidewalk Prophet, Mandisa, and Casting Crowns, all reminded me that Jesus is with me through the storms of my life. And although I feel like I'm strong enough already, my trials are making me stronger.  So I will just breathe, and keep on living the good life.  Because really, life is good and sometimes it's not.

I can always tell when something is bothering me.  I have really strange dreams and frankly, don't sleep very well.  My issue of late is work. Broken equipment...ugh.  Add three weeks of standardize testing and lets just say, it's not my usual routine.  I can say that I'm glad this doesn't happen to me often.  (If it did, I would be forced to find other work!)  I cannot imagine having sleepless nights every night. What I find interesting is the random people in my dreams.  Last night there were people from my elementary school...but we were grown up...in our 30's...and some of us were pregnant!  But the most bizzarre and reoccurring theme was my shoes...I always had two of them and they never matched.  What does that mean?

Have you ever thought you lost your mojo? That's how I feel lately with regards to my work with technology.  It's frustrating when things fail that are beyond your control. I knew that I had technology mojo way back when no one could set the blinking clock on their VCR. I could and I don't think the Herman's even owned a VCR at the time.  Technology always seems to work when I'm around.  (It is my gift from God!)  

Just taking time out of my day to breathe...to remember...to pause. So on my way home from the YMCA, as I was stopped at a red light, I had a perfect view of our beautiful moon.  Then later in the evening, Derrick and went outside to catch a glimpse of the International Space Station (ISS).   Looking forward to the lunar eclipse in the morning. We are but a small part of this world.  Take some time today to enjoy it!

After six weeks of following Mercy Weight Mgt. Center's Healthy Solutions program, my BMI has dropped 2 points!  I'm at 31.4  -   which is still considered obese, but when I reach 30 (and I will), I will be overweight!  Who would ever think that being overweight is a good thing?  Answer:  a previously obese person. My ideal BMI is less than 25.  To achieve that, I would have to weigh between 140-150 pounds.  (I currently weigh 182.)  My goal is 150-160 by the end of the year.  Slow and steady wins the race.

First of all, I'd like to say that I am really not a fan of shopping.  I like to go in, find what I need, and get out.  But then I had grandchildren.  Now I shop for them. I usually stick to PJs but yesterday I left without buying any!  I did get a start on Christmas though!

I need a happy hour!  I cannot remember never being at  a place of employment where as, on Friday, everyone went out to the local PUB. The truth is...I have not had a happy hour since Haylee's tragic accident.   Boo hoo....right? So I happen to leave work a little earlier than usual.  I call my friend Linda...who happens to live an hour away to say that I would like to meet.  She's using her phone so I go to her voicemail.  By the time she gets back to me, I've passed her house.  So I continue to the lake.  I contact Justine and Steve and they aren't interested so  I go it alone and head into Louie's on Wawasee.   Enjoyed an Octoberfest and met some people from Toledo.    Happy Hour did not disappoint!  Life is good!

Dear Haylee, I am missing you.  On my way home from walking Aiden at the park, I drove by all the places you lived in the neighborhood...Willys Pkwy, Crestwood, and Royalton.  I remember the apartments near where I work...on that little lake, by Old Navy, and behind Steak n Shake.  I thought of all the other places you lived:  Pensacola, Virginia Beach, Oregon, and Toledo on Elgin & Eleanor.  A Dwelling is a house, apartment or other place of residence.  Now you remain at Resurrection but you will reside in my heart forever.  I love you. Mom

My friend, Merriam Webster says that hectic is being in a state of increased activity or agitation. I think an increased level of activity can lead to agitation!  Most of all, I think it's an attitude.  I know that my life has been this busy before.  I just don't remember feeling like this.

Have you ever gone to the grocery store with a list and returned home with ONLY the things on the list?  If you have, I am jealous! I have never been able to do that.  In fact, I can only remember one time that I went to the store, without a list, as I only needed milk and bread.  I went into the store grabbed both items and ran to the checkout.  I was so intent on leaving the store with only the items I came in for.  I told the cashier how hard it was to do this, but I had to prove it to myself that it could be done.  I made it, got home and remembered a gazillion things I needed at the store...and went back!