Mind Tricks

I'm not sure if it's denial or disbelief, but for sure it is a trick of my mind when I seem to forget that Haylee is no longer on this earth. 

It doesn't happen that often, although it seems to happen when I'm tired.  Today I worked a 12 hour day.  And here I am now, wanting to talk to Haylee, seeing her picture on the wall, wondering what she is up to. 

It only takes a few moments for me to remember or to realize the truth of the matter...that she died.  And then I'm sad.  As the tears come to my eyes, I tell Clarence, my grief:  Hello,  I haven't heard from you in a while.  Now get the heck out of here because if you don't leave, I'll start feeling sorry for myself and my family.  I'll start questioning why God would think that we needed this tragedy to help us to become better people.  And soon, my thoughts are more negative than positive.

All of this happens in a matter of minutes before I'm aware of it.  So I take a deep breath and I remember all of the good things about Haylee.  How beautiful, smart and funny she was.  I tell myself that she was perfect, so God took her back to heaven and she is at peace.

I love you Haylee.

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