Just 40 Days

Today I spent the day defrosting: freeing (the interior of a refrigerator/freezer) of accumulated ice, usually by turning it off for a period. Although I pull out my refrigerator to clean the floor a couple of times a year, I don't clean anything else on the outside.  I truly hope that this does the trick on my four year old appliance.  The freezer has been making snow for a couple of weeks now.     I guess I'll find out in the morning. Until then it's pizza for dinner...the frozen kind!

My mother taught me or shared with me her love for sitting on the porch during a rain storm.  I cannot think of anything more calming and comforting than to sit on a porch during the rain. As a child, I remember sitting on the glider that was as large a a couch, with as many of my brothers and sisters that could fit along side my mom and weather permitting, a blanket.  We would talk and play games and enjoy this special time of doing nothing but watching it rain. I in turn, repeated this behavior with my children, on Elgin street.  We had a porch swing.  That swing, along with the rain, provided me with a sense of peace as we shared our day or shared stories of the past.  Sometimes, the littler kids sat with me as the older ones got to play in the rain.  It's curious to watch a child's response to thunder or lightening.  Each is unique...sometimes frightening and sometimes creatively adventurous. Today, my granddaughter Carly said of the thunde...

Let all the teachers rejoice!  No more Friday school days!  I run from my school building on Fridays...so I'm having mixed feelings here.  In the summer...I take most Fridays off as vacation...so I guess it is time to do a little hula dancing!

This last month of school has been trying my patience.  I'm not sure if it's me or my students or a combination of both.  I know that I have to take the most responsibility here as it is my patience on the line...and I am the adult...I am the professional. Isn't it amazing the world around us can rob us of who we are...if we let it!  The hard part is to always remember that I am in charge of me.  I get to chose to be patient or kind or happy. I bet a teacher somewhere taught me that!

Although I have been driving the same route to work for nearly three years, twice this week I got off on the wrong exit.  How does this happen? I can put part of the blame on construction, as the orange barrels are actually guiding me to get off downtown.  But I know that my exit is the one after that so I must really be distracted.

As I was teaching my teen class at the YMCA tonight, I realized something that I forgot...when I am focused on helping others, I forget my pain and experience joy.  How could I have forgotten that? 

I want my joy back.

Enclose those you love while you can.  Tell them they are special.  Treat them in the way they should grow.  Say what you mean to say and mean what you say.  Allow them to fail and help them if they ask and sometimes, even when they don't.  And most of all, remember to do that for yourself.

A weekend for nothing but enjoyment.  Yesterday's drive made me realize I need to relax and enjoy all of the things around me.  I was thinking about all of things in my life that I endured and frankly, I didn't think it was that hard when I was going through it.  I think that is because I always found the good and tried to enjoy myself along the way. As you know, for the past year I've been struggling with everything.  If only I could put my finger on the reason...I would stop right?  But life is a process and I'm trying to figure out what it is I'm supposed to learn or understand why things are the way the are or why people seem to be so distant that I'm forgetting to use my number one coping skill and that is finding the good and enjoying life.

As I was driving west to Lake Wawasee this evening, I was reminded of some different times in my life.   I usually don't begin my trip after 5pm but today I had a hair appointment right after school.  I always think of Haylee during hair appointments as she is the reason I have been going to the same hairdresser for the past nine years.  Another memory took be back thirty three years, when I worked at Toledo Trust during the week and drove to Angola every weekend.  The sun was in my eyes the entire drive.  It also reminded me of the Monday morning drive heading east, back to work, with the sun rising before my eyes. I have fond memories of Angola.  It's where I attended college, met the father of my four kids, and made some life long friends when a group of us started the Omega Kappa Sorority.  It's also the first and only time since then, that I lived on a lake.  I remember taking the row boat out to the middle of Crooked lake to study for ...

You Can Be An Artist Last night a group of my cousins and I joined the latest trend: You can be an artist!  In three hours, with the help of an instructor, a little paint, and a little wine...we transformed a blank canvas into a lovely beach scene. I will admit, I didn't know what to expect.  I thought about my sister Rosi and how she goes out into her garage every once in a while to paint.  She said it helps with stress. (I thought that was what the wine was for!)   Our instructor said that we couldn't give up and decide that it was awful during the creation.  She assured us that they would be great in the end.  I think she was right!

Family - as in all relationship - requires effort, trust, communication, and love. As I think of the effort I have put into my family, I realize that it is divided into parts:  My parents and siblings, my children and grandchildren, my nieces and nephews and my cousins and more cousins. I placed the parts in an order although it is somewhat chronological and not necessarily an order of importance or focus.  You see, each part requires effort, trust, communication, and love.  But all parts do not receive those things equally...at least, I don't feel like I give or receive what is necessary all the time.   As I think more about this, I guess we all give and take what we need from all of our relationships.  It is when we stop giving or stop communicating that we stop growing. Today I'm going to be thinking about all of the parts of my family and how I can show my love for them by communicating better.  Whether it's a card or letter, a prayer or a so...

After what turned out to be a 12 hour work day (I don't want to make a habit of that!), last night I decided to go to bed an hour early and finish the book I've been reading.  And low and behold, seven hours later, I find myself tossing and turning and trying to stay asleep.  I was losing the battle, so I decided to hop in the shower and start my day. This of course was after considering heading to the ymca...or maybe take Aiden for an early morning walk...I even considered heading to the basement for a workout on my reformer...it's been a long time since that happened!  The shower won.  Aiden and I have both had our breakfast and lunch is packed. It's time to head out the door and get the work day going. Looking forward to a power nap this afternoon!

Tis the season...or should I say end of the season...soon TV will pretty much suck for the summer and I will have to rely on the great outdoors, hulu or netflix for my entertainment. I tend to watch about 2 hours of entertainment and 1 hour of news each day on the television.  I do not have cable or dish...just an antenna and an apple tv.  I've never owned a DVR so I try to watch the things that interest me the first time they air. I don't think there are too many people like me ... people without over 100 channels to choose from.  

Have you ever had one of those days when you can't remember what you just did?  That seems to be how my morning is going.  Typically, my morning routine consists of letting Aiden out, making coffee, starting my breakfast, and then feeding Aiden his. But as I sit here, enjoying my coffee and breakfast, Aiden his hanging out.  (When he usually goes back to the living room and sleeps in his bed or on the chair.) His behavior got me to thinking if I forgot to feed him.  And frankly, I couldn't remember!  So I decided to feed him again. He watched me carefully as I walked over to his food and scooped out a serving, walking it over to his dish and pouring it in.  He continued to watch me as I went back to my breakfast, when usually he would be digging into his.  So we sat and stared at each other for a moment - again making me question if I had already fed him or not - when he decided to start eating what was probably his second breakfast.  He ...

Last year we started a tradition, Team Haylee: a team that walks/runs to help support our Toledo Zoo and to remember Haylee.  This year the funds raised will go to purchase an owl for the zoo so we chose this quote to be on the back of our T-shirts:    A friend is like an owl, both beautiful and wise. Or perhaps a friend is like a ghost whose spirit never dies. The back of the youth shirts stated:  Owl always love you! Over 50 people ordered and shirts and I saw at least 30 of you at the zoo!  Thank you so much for helping to raise money for the zoo and to remember Haylee!  I heard that someone named Haylee, came up to one of you to ask what are shirts meant.  She said that she loved frogs too and liked to run!  It is times like these, when God reminds us that Haylee is happy in heaven and we are doing a good work.   Next year, we have got to get a photo of all of us together! 

When I was in high school, I used to wear my mother's perfume: Estee Lauder's Youth Dew.  I loved it then and still wear it today.  I remember getting the most compliments, in high school, during track and volleyball when I worked up a sweat.  Now-a-days I rarely get compliments on the fragrances I wear and that's okay.  I wear it for me. I have been missing my mom lately, so I've been wearing the Youth Dew or sometimes I wear her shamrock earrings. And sometimes I wear both!  It's nice to have things that remind us of those special people that have gone to heaven.  It helps to feel their presence.  It makes me feel close to them.

When I forget to be grateful, I become grouchy.  I've had enough of grouchiness and still I struggle to see the positive.  It was a day of that started with a sleepless night so I woke early and tried to make the best of it.  I chose bright clothes to help brighten my day and received several compliments.  I graciously accepted those compliments as truly was surprised that I looked good on the outside when I was fighting the grouchies on the inside. All day, my phone seemed to ring with requests.  I was enough to help those who needed me.  I thought about my sister Barb who was killed in an accident at her work in 1998.  I realized that she died 10 miles away from where Haylee died.  Why do I think of these things? As I look back again at the day...it really was a good day.   I had enough servings of fruits and vegetables.  And I will go to bed on time to receive enough sleep and I will wake up to a new day tomorrow.

Something is missing from my life and I know what it is...vegetables.  I have been eating less than three servings of vegetables each day for the past, I don't know, two months!  This is not good for so many reasons. First of all, I love veggies! There have been weeks that I ate over 70 servings of them!  I would have two or three at breakfast with my eggs.  I would have lima beans and corn as a morning snack.  I would spend Sundays chopping enough salad for the week!  I cannot remember the last time I chopped salad for my lunch. They say, awareness is the first step towards change.  Let's hope I take the next step.

Merriam Webster defines tone as a quality, feeling, or attitude expressed by the words that someone uses in speaking or writing.  Apparently, my children feel that I have a tone that is not supportive.  I know that I do some of the time - when they're in trouble because of choices I don't agree with.  But I have to believe that I do not have that tone all of the time.    How else could my children have turned out so well?

After four days of not sleeping in my own bed, it sure feels good to be home.  There is just something familiar about the sounds of my house.  They're soothing.  It's nice to return home and find everything the way I left it.  I don't know about you, but I always clean before I leave because I know I will be too tired to do so when I return. Isn't it funny how we long to get away, but love to return to our own space.

Another Mother's Day - this year was pretty relaxing.  We were all up at the lake together and the weather was good!  Starting a new tradition - getting together with my children and grandchildren NOT my siblings, nieces and nephews.   I miss my mom on Mother's day. 

This morning, as I let the dogs out, I heard this humming or buzzing sound.  I didn't know where it was coming from.  As I looked out over the lake and to the forest on the left, I saw these moving dark streams.  At first I thought that is an interesting trail of smoke. My dog, Aiden, did not feel comfortable as he was cautioned from the sound.  Then I looked above my head and saw a swarm of flies! Never in my life do I remember seeing such a sight.

I would so love to live here!  To wake up every morning to the possibility of a view like this would be such a blessing.  Natural beauty is a wonder.  Nature can be so peaceful.  I have not always taken the time to appreciate the wonderful earth I live with. Sometimes I am just to busy to notice.  I'm thinking about other things, like work, my kids' and their struggles, my neighborhood .... just my life in general.  I forget what a small part I am in the puzzle of life. Some day, I'd like to see more nature in our country - like the desert or the Grand Canyon.  Until I make time for those, I'll enjoy this beautiful eight mile long lake called Wawasee.

Today begins a couple of days off for an extra long weekend.  It's a great feeling knowing that I can relax for a few days.    Carly and I left from school and she only asked 'How long have we been in the car?' twenty minutes into the two and a half hour drive! We played the alphabet word game - looking for words that begin in abc order.  That got us more than half way there.  Soon we were approaching the lake and Carly asked for the 'Lake' music.  So I put in the CD which starts off will Pharrell William's Happy and Bobby McFerins' Don't Worry Be Happy and Carly's favorite - Sara Bareilles' Kaleidoscope Heart ... All the colors of the rainbow...

I sure would like it if Lady Justice would talk in a language that the ordinary man could understand. According to Merriam Webster, legalese is the formal and technical language of legal documents that is often hard to understand.  Why would anyone use a language that is hard to understand?  Whether it's the warranty information on a technology device, your cell phone contract, or the terms of medical insurance, it's all written in legalese.  It also is written very tiny, aka the fine print OR it is several pages long.    I've been encountering documents with several pages that seem to repeat the same things over and over again.  Written in simple terms, they would state questions like these:  What color is the sky?  The sky is blue? Who helped you determine the color of the sky? Please admit that the sky is blue?  My question is this:  Why ask for information that is already known?  Legalese - a language that makes un...

Today was one of those good days where it seems that I had time to do all of the things that needed to be done. This doesn't happen as often as it used to so I am grateful for the feeling.  Usually I feel as if I'm forgetting something or that I'm running out of time.  But not today! I wonder why this can happen.  We have the same amount of time everyday.  It's something inside of us that is the trigger...our expectations.  Expectations can give us results from either extreme - disappointments to celebrations.   As I went into the day without many expectations, I choose to celebrate the day! 

For as much as I hate to admit it, we are dependent upon the Internet.  By we, I mean my family.  We use it for TV (netflix and hulu).  We need it for work and for school.  We use it to study and to pay our bills.  I'm sure that our family is not much different from others. We have been having trouble with our Internet service for all of 2015.  We thought it was too many devices on the wifi.  They came out and fixed our line.  They gave us a new router. And now, one month later, it's broken again.  It is extremely frustrating. 

I share Skylar's bedroom when I stay at the lake.  Last night, I was awakened by the sweet sound of laughter.  I checked on her and she was fast asleep, giggling through a dream.  How lucky her parents are that she is pleasant and happily entertains herself through the day and laughs all night!  It makes me smile just to think of her. 

I wish I lived at the lake. It's so peaceful...especially in May because most of the people do not live here year round. Today was a really good weather day.  Temperatures are in the low 70's.  We heading to town later for ice cream! You know you've had a good day when it ends with ice cream!

Today is Friday, May 1st and the sun is shining.  I will also be heading to the lake! What a great way to end the week. My plan is to do nothing.  Play with my youngest granddaughter. Maybe read a book.  I hope to get a little sun.  The temperature is supposed to make it to the 70's.  That's exciting! Life is so much better when you notice the good in it!