Clarence Returns

When Haylee died nearly four years ago, I named my grief Clarence.  My mother taught me to do that so I could call my grief out by name and let it visit when it needs to.  Today, as I was driving home from work, Clarence decided to visit.

I thought I knew what the triggers were to my grief: black Ford Focus, white Pontiac Vibe, Shar-pei's and other things that remind me of Haylee or how she died.  (I can't allow people Today, Clarence just decided to show up.  So I let the tears flow as I drove down the Anthony Wayne trail.  Fortunately today's tears were not of the wailing type.  The sobbing grief that was so often in the beginning have subsided.

Grief is a mysterious thing.  It's different for whom I grieve.  I miss my sister Barb, who has been gone for 20 years.  I wish I could talk to my mom sometimes and she will be gone ten years this summer.  But the loss of Haylee, my child has left such a hole in my heart.  I sometimes wonder if it will ever be whole again.