Just 40 Days

As I was driving to the YMCA last night, my friend Clarence decided to check in with me.  He didn't stay too long.  Just long enough to bring tears.  It's hard to drive when I have tears in my eyes. I never know when my grief will overcome me.  When it does, I try to think of happy times with Haylee.  Something that will make me smile:  like when she was in 8th grade, she was able to get the principal of her school to partake in an April fool's prank by writing me an 'official' letter that stated Haylee had gone too far today, she pulled the fire alarm and must be expelled from school. Imagine how upset I was when I read that letter...Now imagine Haylee, sitting across from me at the my sister Margaret's kitchen table, listening to me scold her...keeping a straight face and letting me finish before handing me a second envelope on school stationery.  This was stating how I just had been pranked! I miss my Haylee.  I'm sure her beauty and wi...

According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of insurance is: an agreement in which a person makes regular payments to a company and the company promises to pay money if the person is injured or dies, or to pay money equal to the value of something (house or car) if it is damaged, lost , or stolen. Insurance is supposed to minimize risks in life like accidents, fires, or theft.  So than why do insurance companies always try to find ways NOT to pay? I was given the statement: Liability is adverse to the plaintiff, even if there was coverage and so the bottom line is, there will be no money to offer for settlement.  What does that mean?  The plaintiff in this case is a driver of the vehicle, who was 'on the clock' for work and hit a pedestrian, walking her dog, and left the scene to complete her job. I wish this whole ordeal was over - it's just making me angry - instead of sad.

I began physical therapy one week ago to help with the pain I have associated with the PTTD  I was diagnosed with.  I've gone to four sessions.  I've been getting ultra sound and another treatment where they use (plastic) textured tools to scrape or smooth the muscles and tendons in my lower leg and foot.  I must say it feels really good when they do this. I also get to pick up marbles with my toes and roll a ball throughout the arch and bottom of my foot.  I've learned a few more stretches.  I have to admit - I was not happy to go to PT.   But I'm glad I did!

I joined some of my siblings for lunch yesterday: My brother Chris, his wife Marcia and my sisters Rosi and Margaret.  We all gathered in a corner booth with a round table.  We laughed, we shared, we caught up with details of each other's lives and families.  We ate and drank and definitely need to do this more often!

I am full of structure and rules.  I am hard on myself when I don't follow the things I set up for myself.  I find it hard to forgive myself for not doing what I think I'm supposed to do. The first blog that I wrote was a required part of a contest I won.  I had to write it daily.  Ever since then, I feel that all the blogs I write  need to be daily.  Sometimes this was easy to do.  I would write first thing in the morning or it would be the last thing I did at night...like now.  Only I haven't written anything in six days!  In fact, I've only written about 20 posts since Thanksgiving. So why does this upset me?  Perhaps I didn't have anything to write about.  Or maybe, I didn't want to share how I was feeling.  Or maybe, I was just too busy to write.  Even now, I'm not sure which is the true reason I didn't write daily. It's probably a combination of all three scenarios.   Whatever the reason, I know t...

Snow had started falling before I went to bed last night.  I am always amazed at how quiet it is when it snows.  The sounds of the cars driving by on the street are muffled.  The soft flakes are silent as they hit the window.  The more snow that falls, the more peaceful the earth seams to be.  I sure enjoyed a good night of sleep.

Peanut butter toast:  its what's for breakfast today.  I don't need a lot of peanut butter on my toast.  I need just enough that it melts and can drip into my mouth.  I had never paid attention to the drippy part until my senior year in high school, when my friend Lisa and I were discussing our favorite foods and the drippy part was hers.   Now, I also like that part the best.  It's a game to not lose any of the drips to the plate, counter, or floor, let alone the front of my shirt. I've learned over the years that the peanut butter I use matters.  I choose JIF.  The regular red cap version is pretty sweet and has a lot of sugar added - which is probably why I like it.  I try to purchase Simply JIF to reduce the sugar.  I've also learned that in order to have good toast, you need good bread.  White bread makes the worst toast, followed closely by the wheat version of white bread.  The best way to make peanut butter toa...

There are many meanings to the fit.  Merriam Websters simple definition of fit is:  proper or acceptable: morally or socially correct; suitable for a specified purpose; and physically healthy and strong.  But for me, today I think of the word fits in this context:  Why do my clothes not fit? --- which could fit into the first definition of proper or acceptable as my clothes are not acceptable on my body. I know that the reason my shoes do not fit is that I have placed an orthotic inside which leaves much less room for my feet.  I also know that my pants don't fit because I recently have packed on twenty extra pounds.  That is also the reason that my shirts are tighter than usual. I'm writing these thoughts down as a way to become more aware of what I have been taking care of myself...specifically the lack of care I have been having for myself.  Today my scale read 200.4 lbs.  What will it say in 40 days?

After more than fifty years, I think it's time to end my relationship with Hershey's.  I know that I could never break it off with chocolate completely,  but if I just eliminated my favorite brand...Hershey's...I would be way ahead of the game. I would have to say that more than 90% of the chocolate candy I consume is either a Reese's or Hershey's.  Something clicks in my brain when I taste the flavor in my mouth.  It's druglike to my mind.