Just 40 Days

Well what do you know?  Yesterday's pain was better than Saturday's pain.  Does that me that today's pain will be less?  I sure do hope so.  How much better do I feel?  My pain in my foot (which I attribute to the boot) was so much, I mean so less, that I decided to sleep with the boot on last night!  I made it all the way to 4 a.m. before removing it.  It's really hard to sleep with a big clunky boot on your foot!

Before today, I thought that I had a high tolerance for pain.  I was wrong.  I have been wearing the boot on my left foot for a little more than 48 hours now.  (Maybe not that long as I don't have to wear it at night.)  All that I know is that yesterday, I had more pain than I have the entire year I lived with this pain!  I was close to tears all day long. I tried to elevate it; lower it; remove it...all for naught.  I found zero relief.  Even the 800 mg horse pill ibuprofen I've been prescribed didn't help.  My kids said that the boot is probably realigning my foot where is should be.  Walking and jogging on an unknown injury can cause it to heal improperly.  (All's I really heard was the teacher from Charlie Brown "blah blah blah blah blah".)  This hurts dammit! So, after years of thinking I was a tough athlete...I have to admit...I am a whimp.

Earlier today, I had my first visit to a podiatrist.  I came home with this boot.  I must rest my foot for a month.  I'm pretty good at resting it for a couple of days, but that is not enough.  I have had chronic pain all year.  I have learned empathy for others who live in pain. I have also learned that I have a couple of extra little bones in my foot. One in particular that is blocking a tendon from my leg to my foot.  Apparently, I've had it all my life.  But now I'm older and lately heavier.  I have developed PTTD - Posterior Tibial Tendon Dysfunction.  Also known as progressive flatfoot which occurs in women over 50 years of age and may be due to an inherent abnormality of the tendon. So, I will where this boot and in three weeks, orthotics, and maybe some day, have surgery to repair the tendon if necessary.  I will be 55 in a couple of weeks and I really like to walk and jog with my dog Aiden.  But for now, I will pedal ...

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." Ever since my dad remarried, I have to remind myself of the teachings in the bible...over and over again ... although I change the words to " ... a man will leave his children and be united to his wife..." I know that my dad NEVER ever intentionally wants to hurt me or my siblings.  I know that if he ever reads this he will be sad.  I also know that I miss my dad.  I do not like sharing the holidays with another family.  I feel like a child of divorce.   And that's why I'm having these 'childish' feelings of abandonment. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for my dad to find love again after my mom died.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  It's just that I struggle with sharing him on his birthday - because he wanted to share his birthday with his wife's.  Or sharing him on father's day, because they went ov...

As part of my body awareness, or why I am getting fat issue , I promised to weigh myself on Fridays.  As I awoke, feeling the heaviness of my legs and the aches of my feet, I knew it wasn't going to be good.  I haven't been drinking enough water, and I did strength training on Tuesday and Wednesday this week.  My body was telling me that it was retaining water and the scale confirmed: 198.4 pounds.  Which is four pounds more than I weighed last Friday. My body's ability to gain and lose 4-5 pounds over night has always amazed me.  I can't let it get me down.  I must stay the course and remember that a four week total is more realistic.  Here's my reminder to drink more water today, eat my fruits and vegetables, and don't forget to exercise!

I know it's not going to be a pain free day when my feet are aching before I get out of bed.  After years of over use and abuse and several month's of chronic foot pain - pain from shin splints that never really went away - I went to my doctor.  She ordered an x-ray and recommended a podiatrist.  (She also recommended a weight loss of 20-30 pounds...as if I didn't know.) Today they called with the results of the x-ray - didn't see any new injury, but saw evidence of previous injury or surgery.  I replied with: I've never had surgery and never reported any injury...unless shin splints and over use counts. I can't wait until next week, when I go to the podiatrist.  It's really, really tough to do anything when my feet hurt so much, the pain brings tears to my eyes.

Last week, my health insurance provider did a health screen at work.  I weighed in at 10 pounds more than I did three years ago.  When I went to my doctor on Friday, it was confirmed that my weight has crept up to 194 pounds.  What am I doing to myself? It's not like I didn't know it was happening.  I had to purchase size 14 pants over four years ago.  Those fit nicely when I weigh in the 180's. (They're really snug at 194!)  Just like the size 12's fit when I weigh 165-170 and the size 10 fit when I'm at my ideal weight of 150-155.  What am I going to do?  I know how to keep myself healthy. I could start eating more fruits and vegetables and less bread and crackers.  I could eat six times a day instead of the two and half times I seem to be doing.  I could exercise for more than the 30-45 minutes.  I'm sure if I just bumped up the number of workouts to 5 a week instead of 3, I would lose some weight.  I could walk my dog...

I am an educator. I value education. I am a parent.  I am a single parent who raised four children.  I am now a grandparent.  I am a teacher.  I am fortunate that my children were blessed with a work ethic and a desire to learn new things.  In fact, they continue to learn new things daily.  They value their education.  They enjoy what knowledge gives them. I never had the desire nor the time to 'do' homework or projects with my children.  Don't get me wrong, I was present while they did it, but THEY did it.  They did it sloppy; they did it neat; they did it right and they did it wrong.  The point is, THEY did it.  And they got the grades they earned. NEVER in my wildest dreams did I ever dream of doing it for them...ummm....that's CHEATING! And cheating never helped anyone. During my first year of teaching in an elementary school, back in the 1990's, the 5th grade teacher across the hall from me was upset as she just learned...

My mom's favorite time of year was Autumn and I can't help but to think of her every time I see a burning bush.  It's funny how things or times of years can trigger a memory.  I miss her everyday.