Just 40 Days

I love laying in bed in the morning, listening to the sound of silence.  The sound of snow.  The weathermen have been predicting a storm all week and the silence signifies that they were right. The first (significant) snow of the season is always the most special.  It makes the bare trees beautiful and the earth seems a little more at peace.  It's even better when the snow is before Christmas.  The lights looks brighter and everyone always wants a white Christmas.

Today is my birthday.   I'm 56 years old.  My body feels like it's 100.  It's been a long year. Scratch that. Today is my birthday.  My dog Aiden woke me up an hour ago. He actually let me sleep in a while.  Thanks for that Aiden!  Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking, getting my first dog at the age of  50. I followed him down the stairs to the light of my Christmas tree.  I smiled. As I walked through the living room, I noticed the stockings and other decorations that I created over the years.  I grinned as I held Derrick's snowman stocking. It came from a kit.  I had to glue it together.  Onto Haylee's stocking, which was made of felt, stitches and stuffing.  It took me three years to complete the little bear that Holly Hobbie is holding. Justine's Raggedy Ann and Andy was cross-stitched and Paul's was stenciled elves on a stocking I made from scrap fabric I had.  His was the first (and only) not made from a k...

It's funny how life gives you what you need.  Or perhaps, God gives us what we need. As I continue my thoughts on compassion, both giving and receiving it, I was was reminded about self love. The parish where I work is having a parish mission called:  The Journey Towards Boundless Compassion:  Walk With Me.  I chance to attend a mini session of the mission with a group of kindergartners. The first speaker reminded us that God loves us, he created us all uniquely out of love. We are a necessary part of how God wants the world to be.  I was reminded that compassion allows us to love each other no matter what and that it begins with the love of Jesus and flows from the love of self. As a single mom, raising four completely different individuals, I was always trying to understand them.  I could tell that some of them had more 'spirIT' than the others.   It was like they were born it 'IT'.  I wish that all people new that they have the spirit o...

Last week, I wrote about compassion.  I stumbled across this saying "It is lack of love for ourselves that inhibits our compassion toward others.." and I just had to revisit it. All of my life, I have been called selfish by some people, because I have self love.  I struggle with this as I believe that I was 'born' with happiness.  In fact, the Christmas stocking my mom made me said 'Happy Mary'.  The bible tells us to Love your neighbor as yourself.  So the first step to this is self love. Believe me, I don't always like myself, but that doesn't mean I don't love me.  I get mad at myself when I do things I shouldn't and then I try to do better.  For the most part, I do my best to communicate my wants and needs to others. Sometimes, other people help me to get those things.  I also try to help others achieve/acquire their wants and needs.  The key to this is communication. The purpose of human life is to serve, show compassion, and t...

Sometimes, I feel like there is a lack of compassion in our world today.  I feel this way when I see or hear other people judging others.   I'm continually telling my students that the only person they can control is the person wearing the shoes on their feet.  I do this when young, primary grade, students tattletale on their classmates.  They are consumed with what other students are doing instead of with what they are doing. I feel this way when family members judge others for their decisions.  I want to remind them, that the only person they are responsible for is the person wearing their shoes.  I know that my gut reminds me of this every time I fall into the trap of judging my family as they react to things around them.  I have to constantly work on not reacting to others; to feel compassion for what they are doing or feeling.  I try to find some understanding of others.  I ask myself:  What would I do if I was walking in their...

Wow, I'm missing my mom today.  She always seemed to know what to say.  If she were here, I would ask her about losing Barb.  How long did it take to feel like herself again OR did she just get used to the new version of herself.  The one with the giant hole in her heart. I'm also missing my sister Barb today.  Besides being my sister, she was my friend.  We went to high school shared a bed growing up and went to high school together.  We had so much fun in high school.  We were very spirited.  She was the first in our family to divorce, so she helped me when I went through mine.  We both watched kids in our homes so we did alot of things together.  She was almost as wise as our mom. I'm always missing my Haylee.  She loved her Grandma Herman and Aunt Barb was her God-mother. Haylee was fun.  She was the jokester of our family.  She always found a way to cheer other people up.  I hope the three of them (Mo...

My stairwell is full of family photos.  As I crawl slowly up and down the stairs I am reminded of my life.  I see photos of my parents, Norma & Chuck and my God-parents, Aunt Catherine & Uncle Steve.  There is a photo of my mom with her grand-children.  I remember how hard it was to get everyone there for at the same time, all for a Mother's Day gift.  Most of the photos are of my kids.  They range from infants to high school graduation photos.  Many family photos are from the church directory. As I look at these photos, I think to myself, how did I ever survive being a single mother of four kids under six years old?  I know I didn't do it alone.  I survived because I surrounded myself with family.  I know that I didn't always do what was popular.  Heck, I still don't do what is 'popular'.   But I know that I always did the best I could. I have learned alot from the mistakes I have made.  I'm not the same p...