Just 40 Days

  My struggle for a healthy weight seems to have hit a plateau.  I have not had significant weight loss in the past three weeks.  It is difficult to continue on when I do not see results.  So what to do?  Give up and accept my body for what it is: 5'4" and nearly 180 pounds.  Set a goal and stick to it: Be patient - I didn't gain 30-40 pounds in six months so it may take longer than that to get rid of it. Don't forget the stick to it part - no cheating!  Stick to the current plan and rationalize the situation when it doesn't work. These choices are the thoughts that continuously go through my mind.  As you can see, they are not always productive.  I know that I have to go with number two and be patient but the first and third always seem to creep in. I can do this!

Dear Haylee, I miss you.  Last night, I was walking Aiden in the neighborhood.  It was  dusk and I thought of you walking Lola in your neighborhood seven months ago.  It was a beautiful evening to walk with temperatures near 60 degrees just like in April.  Only the days are getting shorter now and they were getting longer then. My walk with Aiden reminded me of how content you probably were on your walk with Lola.  You weren't talking on your phone and probably just enjoying the beautiful spring day with your dog.  I recently heard that the neighbors saw you walking Arlo earlier and that it was your second time around the block.  Way to get your exercise in! It helps me to think that you were at peace when the car struck you and I am relieved that you never woke up to feel the pain that the trauma caused your body.  I believe you went straight to heaven where there is no suffering.  I keep this in the forefront of my mind to help...

Something happened to me between my me time and Monday.  I seemed to have lost my serenity...although as I'm writing this it's coming back. My favorite dictionary, Merriam Websters defines expectation as a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen, or a feeling or belief about how successful, good, etc., someone or something will be.  I, on the other hand, find expectations to be a cause for happiness or unhappiness. Apparently, I give expectations alot of control over me.  This is not a good thing.  For I cannot control the someone or something in the expectation I have.  I think Shakespeare got it right!

I love to sing in the car, especially on a long drive, but I sing on short ones too.  Sometimes I turn the radio up loud but most of the time I leave it where it is and I sing louder! My mother loved to sing.  She had a great voice.  I'm not sure if I have a great voice.  It doesn't really matter when I'm singing in the car!

Hundreds of ducks on Lake Wawasee.  It is peaceful to watch them flock together.  They sometimes swim in a straight line that stretches across my entire view.  They follow each other to the another feeding area of the lake.  They follow their instincts.  They trust that whoever is leading them will not let them down. Me time allows me to focus on my thoughts and my body.  I have to be in tune to with myself in order to feel my instincts.  I have to know how my body reacts to the things of this world.  I have to remind myself of my beliefs.  I need to know who I am in order to trust my instincts. We have to have faith in others to survive in this world.   We want to believe that they want the best for us.  We hope that they are honest.  We need to work together.  Oh, please don't tell the ducks that the small group of ducks near the marsh are just decoys and the hunters are waiting for them.

This weekend, I get to spend some quiet time at the lake babysitting my granddaughter Skylar.   I am looking forward to alone time.  Or what it really is...me time.  After two long nights at work, I know that I started to be super irritable and grouchy. I'm sure my family, friends, and coworkers are grateful that I'm taking time to relax.  But I'm not doing it for them. I'm doing it for me.  I don't like it when I snap at others; feel defensive; see the worst instead of the best.  I don't like when the darkness tries to steal my light.  So here I am, kindling the fire inside of me so that I can be who I want to be. I think everyone needs me time. (It's still me time even though I'm sharing it with a nine month old!)

Gloomy days make for sleepy, grouchy, sluggish people...at least that's how I feel.   Is that how it is for everyone?  Or do we allow ourselves to be affected by the weather?