Just 40 Days

I like to drive.  I also like to go a different route on the way home than I took on the way there.  Life is too short to take the same way twice. I've always been a map person.  I like the physical paper nearby to check - just in case.  I was never a AAA member, so their popular 'Trip Tix'  was not an option for me.  But in the late 1990's, I discovered Map Quest and my life became a little simpler.  I did a little research, entering the beginning of my route and my destination, pressed print and viola!  I had written turn by turn directions that included a map.   I didn't need to buy one of those GPS devices and attach it to the dashboard of my car. Ten years later, when I took a road trip to Florida with my son Paul, he insisted on using technology from his phone for directions.  Thank God, I still threw the printed directions into the car as he lost his 'signal' several times in the mountains and we were driving blind.  P...

Skylar & Hayden So I've been at the lake for about 36 hours and the more time that passes the better I feel.  I don't know if it's baby Hayden, or 2 year old Skylar, or sharing with Justine.  I feel useful and I hurt less each day.  The wound from my incision is a bit angry with me.  I went to school Thursday without socks ... in the boot...the sweat and irritation caused most of the scab to come off.  It is angry and painful.  Even with that, I feel calm. I think it's the lake.  The water calms me.  I look out when I feel overwhelmed and it's ... just there... moving...flowing...free.  I love the water.  I have always been drawn to it...and I'm not a swimmer!  But I don't drown. Perhaps that's life...It's free, flowing, calm, and exciting... living.  When I was younger, I thought of life as a roller coaster...I love rollercoasters!

Today's R word of the day is refreshing: making me feel more rested, energetic, or cool.  I'm heading to the lake today.  I haven't been to the lake since Skylar's 2nd birthday in February!  I plan on turning the music up loud and singing all the way.  Hoping the sky is blue and the roads are clear! It's going to be a great day!

My favorite dictionary, Merriam Webster, states that the simple definition of resilience is the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens.  Or the ability of something to return to its original shape after it has been pulled, stretched, pressed, or bent. I wonder how long it will take for my foot to bounce back!

As I was driving to work today, I remembered that I haven't been writing daily as I like.  This blog reminds me to take care of myself and allows me space to 'vent' or process things in my daily life.  When I am not taking the time to do this, I'm stuffing my feelings and frustrations...and do I have alot of that going on right now. I wrote about my foot surgery on March 9 and shared a few other things afterwards. In fact, it's been nearly a month since my last post. I never shared how frustrated I was during the non'weight bearing phase of my recovery. I would like to say I am rested, or more resilient, but that wouldn't be very truthful.  Today is exactly eight weeks since my surgery.  Two days ago, I was given the okay to walk, with the boot.  The doctor said I'm doing well but I can tell you, it hurts like hell.  I'm now experiencing a different kind of pain.  The pain you feel when you start using muscles and bones you haven't used for...

If only I could just snap my fingers and get out of this poor me mood. I've been in it for several weeks and it's beginning to  seem like months. I have been in this position before:  'Woe is me!'   This type of depression is not always willing to leave a person.  Or perhaps, some people are not always willing to let it go. I know that looking at the bright side, seeing the good, and expressing gratitude are tools that work for me.  I just have to make up my mind to choose MORE of those things than I am doing now, leaving little room for the poor me's. Awareness is the first step.  Now to take action!

This past week certainly has been a challenge for me.  As I try to recover for foot surgery, laying around doing pretty much nothing except propping my foot up, I have nothing but time to think about Haylee.  I can't believe that it has been two years since you went to heaven.  I long to hear your voice.  I am sad that I do not have any saved voicemails.