Just 40 Days

Wow, I'm missing my mom today.  She always seemed to know what to say.  If she were here, I would ask her about losing Barb.  How long did it take to feel like herself again OR did she just get used to the new version of herself.  The one with the giant hole in her heart. I'm also missing my sister Barb today.  Besides being my sister, she was my friend.  We went to high school shared a bed growing up and went to high school together.  We had so much fun in high school.  We were very spirited.  She was the first in our family to divorce, so she helped me when I went through mine.  We both watched kids in our homes so we did alot of things together.  She was almost as wise as our mom. I'm always missing my Haylee.  She loved her Grandma Herman and Aunt Barb was her God-mother. Haylee was fun.  She was the jokester of our family.  She always found a way to cheer other people up.  I hope the three of them (Mom, Barb, & Haylee) are having fun in heaven. I love them

My stairwell is full of family photos.  As I crawl slowly up and down the stairs I am reminded of my life.  I see photos of my parents, Norma & Chuck and my God-parents, Aunt Catherine & Uncle Steve.  There is a photo of my mom with her grand-children.  I remember how hard it was to get everyone there for at the same time, all for a Mother's Day gift.  Most of the photos are of my kids.  They range from infants to high school graduation photos.  Many family photos are from the church directory. As I look at these photos, I think to myself, how did I ever survive being a single mother of four kids under six years old?  I know I didn't do it alone.  I survived because I surrounded myself with family.  I know that I didn't always do what was popular.  Heck, I still don't do what is 'popular'.   But I know that I always did the best I could. I have learned alot from the mistakes I have made.  I'm not the same person as I was 25 years ago.  I woul

It's 10 days post surgery and I am so tired of doing nothing.

The only way for me to get from one floor to another is to crawl.  My house has a basement, main floor, and upstairs.  Bathrooms are located in basement or upstairs.  The stairs from the main floor to upstairs and are hardwood, with just a runner down the middle...zero padding.  The stairs from the main floor to the basement are fully carpeted with padding. Six months ago I had calluses on my hands and my knees.  This time, I'm determined not to have that happen.   So I've decided to alternate arms and legs, or hands and knees on each of the stairs.  This was hard at first.  It takes alot of core to crawl like that.  (Previously, I crawled one legged, putting all of my weight on my good leg, using my foot to push my body up to the next step.) I must say crawling on all fours is faster and I'm using more muscles.  I don't remember to do it all the time but I plan I doing it exclusively.  (I have seven more weeks of stair crawling to do!)

Eight days ago, I had foot surgery ... again.  I tried to prepare myself with thoughts like:  You're already in pain so the pain won't be that bad. or You already know what to expect...crawling up the stairs. or Remember, pain free is the goal. So here I am eight days later, and yes, the pain is not so bad.  In fact, I'm down from six to two pain pills a day.  Ice and elevation are my friends.  I've spent an entire week on the 2nd floor of my house, coming down only once on the day of my follow up appointment.  I will start spending more time downstairs to build strength for returning to work in 10 days.