Just 40 Days

Two nights ago I only got five hours of sleep.  I was dragging my heavy body around all day.  I was so exhausted that I couldn't even  fall asleep for my afternoon power nap.  So I made sure I went to bed close to my usual time last night and nine hours later! Nine hours is WAY too much sleep!  I feel drowsy or lousy.  It is definitely not the same as eight hours. So what have I learned?: Taking an hour long nap...knowing that you will be up later... will help you stay awak at 1 a.m. But the bottom line ended up being this:  going to bed after 1:00 a.m. and waking up at 6:30...a mear 5 1/2 hours later is not enough sleep.  No matter what. 

I get to the park today, to walk Aiden and get some stress relieving exercise for me, and I cannot find my ipod nano.  I was a bit frustrated because I like to turn the music up loud so that my mind cannot think of other things.  So we walked with the sounds of nature. I've read many articles that state the best way to relax is to walk amongst the green of the earth and listen to it's sounds.  One of the first sounds I heard was the call of a beautiful cardinal.  I spotted him immediately and watched as he flew to the next tree to sing out his song.  [Some believe that cardinals are a sign from a loved one in heaven and so I said Hi Haylee!] I really enjoy looking at all the flowers and green our metroparks are full of.  It is a peaceful walk...until I heard the locust...the back to school bugs!  They are early this year and I'm not so sure that their sound was bringing me peace in the month of July.

Merriam-Webster defines visit as: to go somewhere to spend time with (someone, such as a friend or relative).  Today I made two visits.  The first was with my Aunt Dorothy.  She lives in Tiffin and I was in Tiffin for work today so I stopped by the convent to see her.  Aunt Dorothy is one of my mom's three sisters and the one who looks the most like her.  We had a nice visit, talking of family and sharing photos.  She even treated me to a happy hour of cheese and crackers with a little wine.  The second visit was with my old friend, turned sister-in-law, Marcia.  I had to drop of a reunion shirt for my brothers and ended up chatting for well over an hour.  We shared stories of work and family.  We come from similar families, each of us having several sisters and three brothers.  It's nice to bounce off  ideas, feelings, and frustrations with someone you've known for a long time and understands what you're going through.

According to Merriam-Webster, there are three definitions for vice: : bad or immoral behavior or habits : a moral flaw or weakness : a minor bad habit I choose the last - a minor bad habit.   The greatest of bad habits is my LOVE of chocolate!  I love chocolate anything: especially Hersheys, beer, bread, pretzels, pudding and ice-cream...to name a few. One Christmas, my sister in law treated me to chocolate wine! I am here today to tell you, I cannot remember the last chocolate thing I have had.  I need chocolate!

As I sit here trying to decide whether I like ice-cream or chocolate the most, I have to laugh at myself.  I know that I LOVE chocolate and there is NO doubt about my addiction to Hersheys. I have eaten OVER my fair share of chocolate in my 54 years of life.  During that time, I have learned that Hersheys puts something in their chocolate that makes me want more! I love chocolate.

So it's been a little over 10 days since I strained the muscles in my back.  I can say now that the extreme pain has diminished to a soreness.  An achy awareness that reminds me of the injury.  Part of me wishes I hadn't looked up how long it took for others to heal from similar injuries...making me hopeful that I would be pain free in seven days.  It's looking more like a two week heal for me.  UGH!

I love it when my to do list has nothing on it.  Don't you? I suppose I could've put something on the list but I chose not to.  After all it is my list.  I think that are culture trains us to be busy.  It's as if busy = purpose or value.  When really it does not.  Busy just means not having the time to do the things you really want to do.  Or sometimes, the time to do things that other people what you to do. I made a point to do nothing today.  Nothing to me included walking my dog before CBS this morning came on. (It's my all time favorite morning show.) Watch Mass on TV (because my favorite morning show is on at the same time the only morning Mass is at my parish.) Finish the book I was reading and begin another while soaking up some sun and doing laundry.  I also went to the store for dog food and flea & tick - man that stuff is expensive! So doing nothing means doing anything and everything I want to do just because I want to!...

Will I ever get used to my new normal?  A place where I will never hear Haylee laugh or see her beautiful face?  Sometimes I think that I will forget what she looks like.   I think I have already forgotten her voice...making me wish I didn't delete my voicemails after I listen to them. How can I keep her spirit alive in me? I need the help of others, to tell me stories of Haylee.  To remind me of her silliness and practical jokes.  I need stories of her kindness to others like the one Natalie told:  A Shoe Story  Now that was a good one!  I love you Haylee!

Thank God it's finally feeling like summer...and it's near the end of July!  But summer it is and today was a gorgeous day.  I met my sisters for Happy Hour in the historic district of a nearby town.  Thursdays are Market Day there throughout October.  So after enjoying a little food and fellowship we shopped.  There were flowers, veggies, baked goods and more.  We walked both sides of the street. The sun was shining, the sky was blue and the veggies looked good.  There were tons of people and I didn't see anyone I knew.  Which goes to show you that I don't get out much.  I remember never being able to go anywhere without running into someone I knew.  Times have changed. I drove home on River Rd.  I love that drive.  I dream of living in a house by the water...especially during summertime.

Well, it's been seven days since I stained my upper back muscles doing an assisted pull up without enough assistance.  I'm happy that it doesn't hurt as much as it did, but I am still well aware of the injury.  Our mind is a powerful thing and awareness makes things more or clearer.  Personally, I do not like to be aware of any of my bones or muscles.  So I will continue with the ibuprofen regiment and hot showers or heating pad to warm up my back.   Hoping that tomorrow will be better than today.

Today we celebrated the first anniversary of heaven for my mom's first cousin, Bishop Bob.  Several family and friends joined the regulars at the 5:30 pm Tuesday Mass at Blessed Sacrament.  Afterwards, we went to his brother, Fr. Marty's home for food and fellowship.  The evening was perfect as we gathered in his back yard. I am so lucky to be a member of such a caring family of faith.

The dictionary states that fellowship is:  friendly association, especially with people who share one's interests.  I haven't had alot of fellowship in the past month so it was really nice to go to Tony Packos for food and fellowship with a few my former co-workers from Central Catholic High School.  I listened, laughed and shared all with people who knew me. It was just what I needed!

At 4:15 p.m. on July 19, 1982, my oldest son Derrick was born.  Today he is as old as Jesus.  I always say that to those who turn 33. And yes, people look at me funny when I make that connection. I remember the last OB appointment before giving birth.  My doctor stated that he believed that my baby was breech and sent me for an x-ray.  Sure enough, the full x-ray showed Derrick sitting on his butt with is chin up as opposed to head first with his chin tucked.  So my doctor said "What time tomorrow do you want to have you baby?"  I was shocked and scared and said: I'm not having a baby tomorrow, how about on Monday?  So we scheduled a c-section for Monday.  Little did I know that that would be the longest weekend of my life.  I knew that I was having my first baby on Monday.  Everything went well and Derrick was a happy baby...which of course led to more babies.  Today though, he is 33 years old...as old as Jesus. 

Let's face it, we have had a tremendous amount of rain this year. We deserve a little sunshine and this weekend promises to give us a little brightness and a dose of vitamin D. I am fortunate to have a relative who lives on a lake.  So that's where I'll be - soaking up the sun and hugs from my littlest granddaughter.

This picture points to exactly where I hurt!  Zoowie, Ouch, %$#!  The last time I had this much pain it I had shingles! Actually, this pain is much different than the pain from shingles, which was more of a sharp, stabbing type.  The pain I have now is the result of doing an assisted pull-up. without enough assistance.  I (unknowingly) injured myself on Tuesday night during my teen class at the YMCA.    My body notified me of this injury on Wednesday night around 4:00 a.m. when it woke me up with terrible pain!  Ibuprofen seems to take the edge off, but last night was no different.  I googled my symptoms and most people said it took a week!  Only five more days/nights to go!  Until then, there will be tears in my eyes and ibuprofen in my body.  I don't think I will ever try another pull up!

The dictionary defines self-confidence as a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment. I can tell you this about myself:  I am totally lacking in confidence. First of all, I am stating this disclaimer:  if I tell a story that you feel you are a part of - please do not worry as I am growing through my discomfort and not pointing a finger at you personally.  This is about me:   my self-confidence. I think my downfall started about 2 weeks ago when I fell off the SUP and into the lake.  Anyone witnessing this would never think twice about it.  But my pride was hurt. (pride: a deadly sin) The following week went on without incident: it neither improved or degraded confidence in myself: a net zero for me.  Monday came along with minimal disturbance aside from the fact that Columbia Gas is tearing up my front yard and more construction was added to my work route on the Anthony Wayne trail.  [This means that I see orange cones...

Believe it or not - I failed to follow my 99.9% rule yesterday when I had trouble with my network:  99.9% of all computer issues can be resolved by restarting.  (That and turning off Windows Firewall!) I'm so glad it was an easy fix!  Now I can do the things I need to do at work. Wouldn't it be nice if our lives were fixed as quickly as a computer just by restarting? Although it's not a quick fix but each morning, God gives us another chance to get it right.  It is a pretty good design: 24 hours each day...try again tomorrow.  What will you do with your new day?

This is not a picture of what my coworkers received today...but it is what happened.  And I'm sad to say...not much has improved after a full days work from me...their technology director.  I do not like days like today and fortunately they don't happen that often.  In fact, I believe it has been over two years since the last network outage has occurred. Saying that (above) makes me feel just a little bit better.  But just a little.  The feeling I'm having is building on the feeling I had in my softball game last night.  I played 1st base and only caught one of a dozen throws!  (To my defense, they were ALL bad throws!)  I'm the first baseman, and I'm supposed to catch EVERYTHING!  I was taught: if the throw touches your mitt...you could've/should've caught it!   Where within, I am the technology director:  I should solve ALL network problems...immediately!  (Which means:  within seconds of their occurrence!) An...

And sometimes it's not. I will always believe that this is true.  Life is hard...it is work.  I can't just sit back and watch it go by.  I am a part of it...this life...this existence.  We all are just players, or pawns, or minions, or just 'are'.  I believe it is our 'spirit' that allows us to be... it DEFINES our existence in life.  Don't you agree? Everyone in the world faces similar obstacles or difficulties every single day of their life.  It's what we do; how we react; how we cope with the obstacles that DEFINES us.  Some of us take the easy way and blame others for what is happening to our spirit.  There in-lies the clue: our spirit!  It is up to us to take CARE of our spirit.  We have to realize that we are spiritual beings surviving a human experience.  Make it your best!  Life is good...or at least it is what you make it!

I remember when I was always the first one and the last one off the dance floor.  What happened to me?  Last night I was at a wedding reception and couldn't make myself get up and dance.  I mean really - they even did the hokey pokey, chicken dance, and cupid shuffle.  How easy are those? I told myself it was too warm and I would sweat too much.  It's almost as if I was afraid to enjoy myself.  What the heck is wrong with me?  When did I get so self conscience?

There was a helicopter circling my neighborhood this morning and it reminded me of Haylee's ride to St. Vincent Hospital.  I know that she was unresponsive at the scene so she didn't really know that she was in a helicopter.  If she did, she probably would have panicked. 

The weather looks good and the 'free ticket' god has blessed me, so Derrick and I will be heading to the MudHens game tonight.  We plan to have a beer or two at the game and perhaps meet friends afterwards.  It'll be nice to relax and enjoy life, baseball, and fellowship.  It's Friday, so there will be fireworks too!  Life is good!

I don't know about you, but when it is raining in the morning, I have a really hard time waking up.  Today was one of those days.  I had to drag myself out of bed to make breakfast and let my dog out...well, try to let him out.  Aiden does not like the rain, nor water of any kind.  So I had to walk him outside to a place under the tree so he could do his business. Fortunately for me, the cool rain on my sleepy face helped to get me going and get ready for work.  Halfway to work, I realized that I forgot my lunch.  I thought to myself, how am I going to stay at work past lunch if I'm hungry?  I remembered, I still had some HMR protein shake there and knew I would be all set.  The day moved pretty fast as I have lots to do at work.  Can't wait until tomorrow, when I can sleep in as I'm taking a vacation day. I'm kind of hoping for a rainy morning...that quickly turns to a sunny day!

I'm glad I like spinach!  I like it with my eggs, as a salad, or cooked as a side dish at dinner.  Having made the decision to eat more whole foods, or foods that God made, snack time takes more effort.  It has to be easy to get to.  Most of the time, that means I have to prepare the food before I am hungry for a snack.  If I don't, my snack time turns into a high calorie nut time. So I must cut up those peppers and cucumbers. Chop that celery into bite size pieces.  I purchase baby carrots and cherry tomatoes.  I have made my own veggie dip, but most of the time I just keep some hummus around or eat them plain.  Being prepared helps me stay on track.  Besides, chopping vegetables is a good stress reliever!

I'm happy to say how good I've been feeling...physically.  I have to give credit to the Blood Sugar Detox for helping me get a back on track.  I truly do not have the cravings that I had before the detox. I also want to mention that I'm feeling pretty good emotionally.  My sister Margaret stopped by my work and we had a nice talk.  For me, saying what I mean and meaning what I say helps keep me emotionally fit.  The more fit I am, the more I am able to keep my mouth shut and listen to others.

Someone told me that you can work on your balance by walking with your eyes closed.  When I'm on an elliptical or AMT at the YMCA I always do several minutes with my eyes clothes.  Today I ventured out and tried to walk the 'straights' on the track with closed eyes. Boy, was I in for a surprise.  I thought I was doing well, and after a dozen or so steps, I opened by eyes to see that I had crossed over four lanes!  So I tried again...still drifted.  So I walked the curve with open eyes and was on the next 'straight'.  I kept checking this time, caught myself, and corrected before crossing over more than two lanes. I used the checking and correcting method for the next lap.  I was getting better, but seemed to bounce between the lines on my lane.  I found the more I focused and concentrated, the better I did.  I believe I can train my brain to do it!  I'll let you know when I can walk an entire 100 yards in my lane without checking a...

So it's Sunday, a day of rest after a long weekend of festivities.  I decide to be brave and go out on the SUP before my track workout.  I'm feeling pretty good, the lake was like glass and Justine said:  you are going to fly across the lake today!  ...umm I don't want to go fast...it would be my third time on the SUP.  The first time I knelt, the 2nd time I stood for about a 180 second ride.  Both of those times Justine was on the dock with me. But this morning, Steve and her decided to just watch from the deck.  (They obviously have a lot of confidence in my athletic ability.)  My thoughts are always about my balance.  Here goes it.  I get the board in the water, hop on and paused for some reason.  (I was thinking about that flying comment.) After a minute of pause I stood up and proceeded to fall in!  I couldn't believe it.  Justine was giggling...saying that I was back too far on the board.  To which I respond...

Today I saw a young girl, riding a scooter in her dripping wet swimsuit, eating ice-cream, with a huge smile on her face.  It finally feels like summer! It's the 4th of July, and all of America was jammed packed with activities.  We started our day with a workout at the track.  My 17 month grand-daughter walked the whole way around the track! When we got back to the lake, I was determined to stand up on the SUP (stand up paddle board) and I did!  It was my 2nd time on it, the muscles in my legs were really tight from the track workout so it was a very short ride.  Maybe tomorrow morning I'll go for a longer ride. Next, we headed to the marina where my son in law works.  They have a big family day event with clowns, balloons, face-painting, tie dye shirts, and ice-cream.  We spent nearly two hours there.  It was fun and relaxing.  When we got back to lake, it was packed!  In the year I've been coming to this lake, I've never seen as...

Today is the first day post the sugar detox.  I've gotta say, I really do feel more like myself.  For that, I'm grateful that I made the last ten days about my health.  Now to keep it up. Justine reminds me that it's about the water!  Drink plenty of it she says.  I'm so glad I love water.  So given that I have 30 pounds to lose, I'm going to stick pretty closely to the 10-day plan with these few accommodations:  I will allow myself a cup of coffee now and then, a little dark chocolate and an some alcohol if I choose.  I'm going to skip the cookies, crackers, ice-cream and any other 4th of July treats.  Bread, pasta, pizza and nachos are definitely off the menu until I reach my goal weight...again. So cheers to a healthy life! - Eat Healthy, Drink Plenty of Water, Exercise Regularly and Reduce Stress.

Today is the last day of the 10-Day Detox Diet I have been following.  The focus of today is connect.  I take this two ways:  First, connect with people.  When I hang out with people with similar health interests, it is easier to make good decisions.  When I get support from others who are also struggling with events in their lives, it makes my struggle a little easier.  Second, connect how I feel with how I've been eating.  Let's face it, I feel 100% better than I did ten days ago.  I've lost two inches off my waist and over ten pounds! I have a great start to good health and Lord knows I don't ever want to feel like a slug again! 

Whether it's used as a noun or a verb, the word notice means to be aware, or given warning, or in today's focus - attention or observation.  Well, one of the first things I noticed when I get to the lake was that Justine's scale is five pounds heavier than mine.  So while I was at the lake for four days my weight did not look pretty, but it did continue to go down.  At least it's still moving in the right direction.  When I got home, I indeed had dropped weight in nine days I am down over 10 pounds. There are many other things besides the number on the scale to notice.  I, like many others, am sometimes unaware of what I am putting in my mouth.  Mindless eating is not for good health.  During the past week, my eyes have been reopened to notice what I am eating.  I plan what I'm going to eat for the day...and do not stray.  I know that when I do this I am most successful.  This is something that I must not stop doing.  Planning m...