Just 40 Days

Sometimes I wonder if my children know that I love them.  Isn't that weird?  It's possible that perhaps it is I that don't know if they love me. When I state my views or do not agree with them.

As I was driving home from the lake yesterday, I found myself lonely.  In my loneliness, I was thinking about my children, wondering if they knew that I loved them.  I wondered if they knew that I support them in the trials of their lives.  I wondered if they knew that even though I don't always agree with them, that I still love them. Even though I know how hard life can be, I cannot always help them through it.  I can only pray for them. I thought about Lent and change.  Have I changed? How had I changed from 40 days before.  It was hard for me to think as all I was feeling was sadness. I was missing the family gatherings of Easter from my childhood and from their childhood. I was missing dressing up in Easter clothes. I was so aware of how things have changed and it made me sad. Then I remembered making the conscious decision to go to Mass on Easter Sunday.  I had not been to there for three years, since Haylee died. I had to make a change. I...

It's Holy Saturday, my view is of Lake Wawasee, the water is so peaceful it makes me think...so how have I grown? I started lent with the intention to find my joy .  I focused on  Heaven, Health, and Happiness  thinking I had great room for improvement in my prayer life and that my health has got to get better.  So how do I think I've done. Self evaluation is difficult. Although I can be a great pretender, God really made me work on myself. I think losing my voice was the best lesson. I had to listen more. I think that awareness of me (not) listening is changing me more than anything. My children have said that to me before, but I only heard their words. I didn't listen. Now, I watch them and try to listen to what they say and do. I learned that I can pray more for them. I noticed that they are struggling and frustrated. More than I realized. I can wait for them to ask for my help. I don't have to give suggestions or lecture them as they call it. I've learned ...

Have you ever met someone who said they were fine but you knew they were not acting like their usual self?  What did you do?  What can you do?  If you search 'suicide prevention' on google, thousands of results come up. Untreated and/or un-diagnosed depression is everywhere.  How can we help? Help save lives.  Talk, communicate, be kind. Love your neighbor.

I heard something today: I love the memories but I hate the reminders. I thought to myself, Yes, that's it!  A reminder causes me to think of someone or something where as a I choose to think of a memory. A reminder is a noun, something that I can see or touch.  A memory is in my mind already. Don't get me wrong, reminders aren't all bad. In fact, sometimes they trigger the best memories. It's during grief, when they remind me of the person who is no longer here or they remind me of the reason they are no longer here, that they trouble me. For instance, Good Friday seems to trigger many things in me because in 2006, that was was the day my mom and dad were picking up the Easter Lilies from the florist to decorate their church.  They were T-Boned one block away and my mother was never the same after. Also, whenever I'm at the intersection where the accident occurred, I am reminded of that day that changed so many lives. Another reminder I don't like is ...

There are hundreds of cold remedies and medicines to choose from but over the years, I've found that Alka-seltzer plus works the best for me. It's great when I'm able to take it at the first sign or symptom I have as it's good for knocking the cold right out of me! I also use cough syrup, day and night time versions.  They seem to really do the trick and suppress the cough.  I'm lucky that I don't catch a cold that often, usually one a year or less. Thank God for that!

The weather is getting nicer and I'm taking Aiden for longer and longer walks.  I'm not running with him yet but I've gotten my walking a mile time under 20 minutes which is good. I've been walking at a park that is pretty flat.  Every time I go, I get a little faster. Aiden is playing along and has finally realized that we aren't finished after one lap.  I at least make it twice and we went three laps the other day. Every time we get near where the car is parked, Aiden tries to head that way.  I can't wait until I can run more than I walk!