Just 40 Days

For the past 24 hours, I can think of nothing but missing my Haylee.  Unless you count missing my best friend ever, my sister Barb.  Or being reminded of my mother, who loved fall and was born on Halloween.  I am in such denial of my grief, I may just burst...and so I write. I drive to work everyday, behind a Ford Focus and think:  the Irony...my daughter was killed by a distracted driver in a Ford Focus. OR I think: the Irony...my sister was run over by a train that she was controlling by remote control. OR my Irish Mother had a 'bloody' stroke at the EXACT time the van she was in, was T-Boned by a distracted driver, as she was taking lilies to the church on Good Friday. I think ALL of things are so unthinkable!  Or nonsense...but they are REAL. I know that I must accept these things, even though I don't like them.  Sometimes Clarence, it's hard to see the things the way God sees them.

I've always been a fan of TV emergency rooms series:  Emergency, MASH, Dr. Quinn, ER, House, Grey's Anatomy, and look forward to the new Code Black.  When Haylee died, it changed me.  I love them more.  They are the last people who were with her when she died. Anyone who works in trama and/or emergency rooms are angels.  Thank you.

I have to admit...I've had ice-cream more than once today. My mother taught me that I have to 'test' the ice-cream, upon returning from the grocery store, to make sure that it is okay.    ---  It was. If you go to the zoo - you have to get ice-cream.   ---  I did My x-husband always had ice-cream for an evening snack.  --- I learned from the best. (I think that means I had ice-cream 3X today!!  Did you?)

I don't know how you were raised, but I couldn't do ANYTHING on Saturday until my chores were finished.  My mom was so mean, she even moved the couch to make sure we swept under it. I remember cleaning the bathrooms with Comet .  I had seven siblings and we all had different jobs every Saturday:  living room, family room, kitchen, bathrooms. I know that my faced looked just like the clip art I chose for this.  Which is also the face of my grand-daughter Carly.  (Only the vacuum looks different.) I want you to know that I did my laundry, made my bed and dusted all that I could today.  (I also watched 3 movies and caught up on 3 TV shows I missed during the week.) Just sayin'  I can multi-task!

Prodigal Son... Whatever you are, whatever you've did, it's a page in your book but it isn't the end... your Father will meet you... This song, this verse is replaying over and over in my head.  I have to share it.  Whether it's a story you remember or one you looked up on Wiepedia .  We are humans...spirits that live on earth.  We all have struggles and NONE are too big for God. In the places you're week, HE is very strong.  Don't ever believe that you don't deserve love! Pope Francis is in our country.  I wish I could meet him.  I've read all I can about him and what he believes and what He's been saying.  Thank you God for Pope Francis.  I needed a Pope like Him!

I think the last time I financed a car was 10 years ago.  It was a Lincoln Continental.  I bought it from my friend, Sandi Shinaberry.  I have a lot of good memories of that car and of Sandi. Today, I agreed to pay on a 2008 Jeep Compass for about 3 years.  I'm not too sure if I'm happy or sad that I have good credit.

It finally feels like things are settling down in most areas of my life...especially work...which seems to be stressing me of late.  We have our fall standardize testing nearly completed.  Parents are getting used to their new teachers and how they are grading their students.  The weather has been perfect and to top it off, it's week four of my teen class at the YMCA and for the first time in a very long time, all of the students who showed up the first day, continued to attend and finished the class in four weeks! Bravo to all!